In a stunning twist to the summer vacation plans of the Biden family, former President Donald Trump has turned his attention from the White House to the sandy beaches, claiming a personal victory in a long-standing feud. In a late-night social media blitz, Trump announced the immediate termination of Secret Service protection for Hunter and Ashley Biden, sparking a flurry of online memes and speculation about their upcoming trip to "Wherever-in-the-World-They-Are-Going"—a location Trump intriguingly hinted at but did not specify. “Effective immediately,” Trump tweeted with the vigor of someone who just discovered they could throw shade from a tropical cabana, “Hunter Biden, the loser, and Ashley, the sleepy one, will no longer have the luxury of Secret Service protection. Let’s see how they vacation in style without their personal bouncers!” The post was met with raucous applause from his followers, many of whom immediately began drafting plans to stake out the Biden vacation spot, which they assumed was somewhere exotic—like a local Taco Bell or perhaps an unkempt public park. Shortly after Trump’s announcement, speculation swirled around the Biden siblings’ choice of destination. Social media influencers began crafting elaborate TikTok dances as they predicted which of the world’s most run-of-the-mill vacation spots the Bidens would choose. Some guessed it would be “Safety Beach” in Australia, while others suggested “Not-So-Secret Cove” in Mexico, a place renowned for its abundant margaritas and few security delays. The former President took the opportunity to pen a heartwarming message directly addressing the Biden siblings: “Good luck, Hunter & Ashley! May your sunscreen be strong and your Wi-Fi signal even stronger! Remember, you can’t run from fans behind you won’t even notice!” Critics pointing out that stripping security from individuals because of personal vendettas might be risky—after all, who’ll stop an overzealous fan from sneaking a selfie with Hunter while he’s trying to tan? They became rapidly overshadowed by those calling for Trump’s “bold” move to be recognized as a new form of summer cottage diplomacy. Experts noted this could potentially spark interest in international relations, with world leaders now debating if they, too, should discontinue security details for their children during summer vacations (certainly taking cues from Trump's latest social media strategy). However, not all is quiet in the Biden camp. In a potential counter-strategy, Ashley Biden was heard discussing plans to send Trump a thank-you card featuring a photo of lavish beach cocktails and a strong Wi-Fi signal. “Hey, if he’s pushing for us to feel that much safer, maybe we should lean into it and host a BBQ with a live-stream invite!” she quipped, clearly excited about Trump’s newfound role as unexpected summer party planner. As the nation collectively waits with bated breath to see where the Biden family will spend their now less secure vacation, one thing is certain—this beach season is about to get a whole lot more interesting.