In a stunning turn of events, President-elect Donald Trump has taken to Truth Social to issue an audacious ultimatum to the nation of Panama: “Hand over that canal or prepare for a serious yacht delivery!” The proclamation comes as Trump expressed his outrage over what he termed "excessive tolls" for vessels passing through the iconic waterway, which he believes should be more “American-friendly” — presumably at pipeline prices. Prior to his evening post, the incoming commander-in-chief had crafted a flow chart detailing the benefits of making the Panama Canal “great again.” Sources inside his transition team revealed Trump is particularly concerned about the looming threat of “unscrupulous entities” — which he succinctly classified as “the Chinese” — demanding control over “our very own canal.” As he riffed on the issue, Trump suggested that American interests are at risk of being steered off-course, quite literally, if the canal were to fall under foreign influence. “Canal management needs to be strictly in the hands of the good guys. And we all know the good guys have yachts!” he declared, adding that he would personally oversee operations if it came down to it. Nothing says “patriotism” quite like a luxury yacht commandeering international waters. In response to the President-elect’s threats, Panama’s President Cortizo was quick to point out that the U.S. had ceded control of the canal in 1999, under the terms of the Torrijos-Carter Treaties. However, sources claim that Trump remains undeterred, insisting he has a “fantastic plan” for reclaiming control: “I’m thinking about launching a huge yacht party. When they see the gold-plated sails, they’ll just give it back!” Political analysts are now left wondering how Panama can possibly meet Trump’s demands without succumbing to the inevitable pressures of diplomacy or international law. “I mean, who wouldn’t want to privatize a canal just because someone hosted a yacht party?” one expert mused. The threat of naval maneuvering is new territory even for seasoned diplomats, as Trump alluded to possible military options, ensuring that he would “totally not be surprised” to see a yacht or two docked in Panama City if tensions escalate. This raised eyebrows among defense officials, some of whom are reportedly looking into how many jet skis would be needed to establish a “Naval Yacht Divison” for the operation. For now, the world watches closely as the Panama Canal flounders at the center of this maritime standoff, hoping that perhaps, just perhaps, a Trump-branded yacht might slide into the scene before the year is out.