In a move that has sent shockwaves through the healthcare community, Donald Trump has nominated television personality and self-proclaimed health expert Mehmet Oz, commonly known as Dr. Oz, to oversee the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS). The announcement came amidst growing concerns over the nation's healthcare system, which, according to Trump, needs a dose of reality – preferably one with a bit of flair and a catchy jingle. "Dr. Oz will be a leader in incentivizing Disease Prevention," claimed Trump, while assuring the nation that "who needs doctors with actual medical credentials when you have someone who knows how to sell a good story?" Trump's faith in Oz's ability to transform healthcare seems based primarily on the fact that he once hosted a daytime show that frequently gave dubious medical advice, prompting a 2014 study to declare that half of it was, at best, "baseless or wrong." As the first television personality to hold such a prestigious position, Oz is set to bring a unique approach to healthcare reform. Rumors abound that CMS meetings will be held in front of live studio audiences, complete with applause signs and segments called "Makeover Mondays," where they will audit recipients of Medicare in search of dramatic, tear-jerking recovery stories. This, everyone agrees, is exactly what the bureaucratic nightmare of American healthcare needs. "We've had enough of boring old doctors with their pesky facts and years of education," Trump continued, speaking from a banquet hall decorated in gold and self-portraits. "Dr. Oz knows what the people want: quick fixes, trending diets, and celebrity endorsements. I mean, why fix what's broken when you can just slap a 'miracle cure' sticker on it and call it a day?" Critics of the nomination have raised concerns, citing past comments from Oz about magical superfoods and questionable health trends, but the former president remains undeterred. "Just imagine! We could replace confusing medical jargon with catchphrases! Instead of ‘hypertension,’ let’s call it ‘Blood Pressure—Don’t Let It Ruin Your Day!’ This is populism at its finest!" Meanwhile, Medicare recipients are being advised to prepare for a slew of new programs under Oz's leadership, including "Snap Your Health Back," featuring intermittent fasting contests and nutritional advice delivered by influencers rather than trained dietitians. To promote the initiative, Oz plans to host a nationwide tour called "Get Fit with Dr. Oz and Friends," where health screenings will be performed by enthusiastic fans alongside wellness influencers. With Oz at the helm, the nation waits with bated breath for a radical overhaul of Medicare and Medicaid—one that may include new incentivized prescription plans funded by a telemedicine app called “Oz-zy’s World of Wellness.” The app intends to deliver health tips directly to users' phones while also featuring a dedicated space for viewer-submitted "medical miracles" filmed in vibrant 4K resolution. "Who needs a doctorate when you have ratings?" echoed Trump in a final flourish, as the shadows of the healthcare crisis loomed ever closer. As the nation braced for the uncharted territories of healthcare governed by the whims of a daytime television star, one thing was clear: if nothing else, it would be an entertaining ride.