In a shocking turn of events that has left political analysts scratching their heads, Hamas responded to former President Donald Trump's ominous threats regarding Israeli hostages by announcing a cease-fire and, curiously, a promotional "gift card" for future peace negotiations. During a recent press conference, Trump had vowed that there would be "hell to pay" for anyone holding hostages when he returns to the Oval Office, promising a series of intense tweets, sternly-worded press releases, and possibly a stern look from across the room. It appears that this has struck such fear into the hearts of Hamas leaders that they decided the best course of action was to both negotiate a cease-fire and issue a $50 gift card redeemable for pizza at any participating chain—because nothing says bargaining power like slices of pepperoni. "After carefully considering Trump's threats, we realized that a gift card would serve as the olive branch," said an unnamed Hamas spokesperson. "You can’t pay for hostages with pizza, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt to start the dialogue with a slice." The cease-fire agreement itself was met with skepticism by some, as Trump’s supporters were heard wondering on social media, "Is this the same cease-fire they agreed to back in 2021? What’s next, an omelet recipe?" Some commentators speculated that the gift card was actually a brilliant tactical maneuver, designed to promote goodwill and potential pizza parties in the region. On the domestic front, President Biden, when questioned about Trump's contribution to this unexpected cessation of hostilities, shrugged and simply said, “Well, it’s not the first time someone’s tried to negotiate with a coupon.” His statement was roundly interpreted as an indication that the administration was taking a rather skeptical look at Trump's claims of influence. Political experts are divided on the ramifications of this unconventional cease-fire. “This is unprecedented territory,” noted one analyst. “Trump issued threats, Hamas responded with a pizza card. Who knows what will come next? Maybe card games with Iran?” As the world waits to see if Trump’s strategies will result in long-term peace or just a lot of angry tweets, many are already speculating how this will change future high-stakes negotiations. Will negotiators arrive bearing gift cards? Will future military action be threatened with pizza deliveries? Only time will tell. In the meantime, Trump plans to host a rally boasting his “successful” negotiations, with promised appearances from local pizza franchises. “I always said keeping a cool head and a full stomach is key to diplomacy,” he stated, winding up his day with a slice himself, declaring it a “pizza summit” of sorts. As events unfold, political observers remain vigilant, taking notes alongside their pizza orders.