In a stunning turn of events that has educators shaking their heads and parents questioning their sanity, former President Donald Trump has declared an all-out war on education, vowing to transform schools into what he delightfully dubbed "Happy No-Learning Zones." In a press conference filled with trademark hyperbole, Trump proclaimed, "Why should we burden our children with boring facts and figures? Let's make education fun again by eliminating all that tedious learning!" The announcement follows recent revelations that the U.S. spends more money on education than any other country—topping the charts with an astonishing budget that, according to Trump, has resulted in students “ranking near the bottom of the list in terms of success.” Critics wondered if maybe just throwing more money at the problem wasn’t the best solution, but Trump insists on instilling a refreshing mindset: “Less learning means more happiness!” In a bid to implement this vision, the Trump administration is preparing to shutter the Department of Education entirely, much to the chagrin of countless educators and compliance officers who rely on standardized testing to remind students that life is, indeed, all about meeting rigid benchmarks. "Who needs structure?" Trump pivoted, "Instead, let's fill classrooms with puppies and ice cream parties, because nothing teaches like a little fun!" Legal challenges are already piling up against the sweeping cuts and proposed closure, with educators warning that transforming schools into “zones of joy” could be more detrimental than beneficial. "It's all fun and games until no one knows how to read!" lamented one concerned teacher, clutching a stack of textbooks, while classroom pets, newly minted as "Cuddle Buddies," lounged in the sun. The White House maintains that while they cannot legally strip the curriculum entirely, plans are in place to introduce "educational enrichment activities" that focus on happiness rather than hard facts. These will include courses such as “Advanced TikTok Dancing,” “Creative Snackology,” and “Philosophy of Glitter.” As parents prepared for another chaotic school year, many took to social media to share their thoughts. One user quipped, “So my kid can now major in ‘Life Skills’ with a concentration in ’Spontaneity’? Sign me up!” Meanwhile, critics of the plan warned that with America’s students potentially ill-equipped for future challenges, it may soon be time for a new “Catch Up on Learning” initiative, should the plan roll out as envisioned. "Listen," Trump continued enthusiastically, “if we can’t beat the international rankings, let’s change the game! Who's counting anyway?” And with that, a nation held its breath, wondering just exactly how one teaches critical thinking through interpretive dance, and if history will someday remember this as “the sweet, sweet time when learning went out the window and joy came rushing in.”