President-elect Donald Trump has set the stage for a new era in health regulation by nominating renowned surgeon and author Martin Makary to head the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA). As excitement builds over Makary's appointment, industry insiders are eagerly anticipating a wave of transformative policies, not least of which includes the completely reinvented health guidelines—now expected to be delivered in Comic Sans font. In a move that has health experts both raving and rolling their eyes, Trump has indicated that the use of Comic Sans—a typeface known for its whimsical, childlike appearance—will revolutionize the way critical health information is communicated to the public. According to sources close to the incoming administration, the FDA's reports will now resemble more of an elementary school project than a formal government publication. "My vision is to make health guidelines more accessible," said Trump, gesturing animatedly at a gigantic poster of the alphabet in Comic Sans. "People love Comic Sans! It’s friendly, it’s inviting, and you know what? It makes broccoli look fun!" With a budget of over $7 billion, Makary's mission as FDA chief will reportedly extend beyond mere drug regulation. In fact, he has hinted at new initiatives such as "Snackable Health Info"—infographics served with delightful illustrations and, of course, composed exclusively in Comic Sans. He’s even suggested pairing vital information with retro stickers to create a ‘90s vibe for the office decor. “Nothing says ‘trustworthy’ like a vaccine sticker featuring a dancing avocado,” Makary stated during his announcement, as he flipped through a series of mock-ups he commissioned. “We're trying to construct a narrative that health policies are relatable, and let’s be honest, nobody relates to Times New Roman.” Critics of the appointment have raised eyebrows, questioning whether the new approach is suitable for a regulatory body tasked with overseeing the safety and efficacy of drugs and medical devices. Dr. Helen Clearview, a public health expert, commented, “While I appreciate the need for accessibility, perhaps the health of millions shouldn’t be summarized in playful typefaces.” Meanwhile, unconfirmed rumors suggest that under Makary’s leadership, the FDA may also adopt a color-coded labeling system for food and drugs, with decisions made based on popular social media trends. Foods high in sugar could be labeled with emoji faces and amusing catchphrases like “Sweet Tooth Approved!” in a rainbow of hues. As American citizens brace themselves for the rollout of these intriguing and unconventional health guidelines, it seems one thing is certain: the FDA is prepared to enter uncharted waters, sprinkling a little fun into a space that traditionally focused on the serious business of health and safety. “Let’s face it,” Trump mused while holding a can of soda, “if you can’t have a laugh while figuring out what to eat for dinner, what’s the point? Discussing health shouldn’t be boring! And trust me, these health guidelines in Comic Sans are a total game-changer. Just wait and see!” Only time will tell if this new approach will bring about a surge in public trust in health guidelines or if it will prompt a collective eye roll from the very citizens it aims to protect. Until then, it appears that the FDA is gearing up for what promises to be a wildly entertaining—and potentially confusing—future.