In a groundbreaking move that has left many scratching their heads, the quaint town of Brooksville, Alabama has announced it will reverse its controversial policy of criminalizing homelessness and poverty—citing the clean-up costs and public relations headaches as the driving factors behind the decision. The new policy, affectionately dubbed "Operation Sorry Not Sorry," is set to provide a more sustainable approach to managing economic disparity. Brooksville Mayor H. F. LaRue, known for his flair for the dramatic, donned a t-shirt reading "No Criminals in My Backyard" at a press conference where he explained the rationale behind the shift. "Why pay costly fines and embarrass ourselves with courtroom dramas?" he proclaimed, wiping away a tear. "This is about turning trash into treasure—or at least clearing it from our precious downtown." Residents rejoiced at the news, with local shopkeepers salivating at the prospect of no longer having to dodge the unfortunate reality of poverty on their sidewalks. “It’s so messy,” lamented local café owner Betty Brewster, who spent years fighting back against the unsightly garbage that comes with poverty. “I mean, who wants to look at a person with a sign while you're trying to enjoy your artisanal avocado toast?” The town has promised to redirect the vast resources it once funneled into patrolling the streets and handing out warrants to the unfortunate populace, opting instead to invest that money into more pressing issues, such as an annual festival called "Clean Sweep Days." The festival will feature games like “Dodge the Panhandler,” and a new one called “Compost or Compromise?” which allows residents to debate whether leftover food is better tossed in the trash or fed to their in-laws. Critics of Brooksville's previous approach—completely disregarding centuries of human rights—have been quick to voice their concerns. “This decision was clearly based on aesthetics rather than morality,” complained local activist and inadvertent town mascot, Ollie O’Neill, as he held a rally outside the town hall. While waving a sign that read “We’re All Trash, Aren’t We?,” O’Neill insisted this was yet another form of “putting on a pretty face” rather than addressing the root causes of poverty. In affirmation of the town's policy shift, Brooksville’s council has also released a series of “what if” suggestions for locals to ponder regarding their own potential poverty. "What if you lost your job? What if your car broke down? What if your Amazon Prime shipment didn’t make it in two days?” read one cheeky flyer distributed by the local government. To ensure the community remains "clean," officials have now reserved a spot in town for the incessant number of donations to the local thrift shop. Locals are encouraged to donate their old clothes—particularly the ones they no longer fit into, of course—to set a shining example for those in need. “Look at us! We care!” they’ll proudly proclaim while discreetly glancing in the rearview mirror for any sign of someone who may appear "down on their luck." The town’s newfound commitment to tidiness has drawn both laughter and disbelief from outsiders. Meanwhile, Brooksville intends to celebrate its successful pivot through the famed “New Clean Initiative Parade,” where residents will be encouraged to showcase their best “I’m not poor; I just have a lot of stuff” floats. As the dust settles (preferably as trash is swept away), all eyes remain on Brooksville to see whether Operation Sorry Not Sorry will truly pave the way for a cleaner, happier, and decidedly messier future for the forgotten souls it once sought to criminalize.