In a shocking turn of events, the world awoke to the glamorous realm of international politics where tariffs sprout like weeds and monopoly busting is the new avant-garde trend. China, the self-proclaimed champion of “fair play” and “we’ll show you who’s boss,” has decided to spin the tariff wheel and bless America with its very own game of “Tariff Roulette.” Starting February 10th, every American expat with a taste for energy will find themselves paying an additional 15% to keep their homes cozy with US coal and liquefied natural gas. Meanwhile, anyone with a penchant for crude oil, agricultural machinery, or the tow-hitching horsepower of large-engine cars will now get to enjoy a 10% surcharge. Who knew being an American consumer meant signing up for a subscription plan on tariffs? Meanwhile, across the Pacific pond, let’s talk about Google, that sturdy tech giant that could probably run unopposed for ‘Most Likely to Monopolize’ award. In a bizarre twist of fate, Google found itself the victim of an anti-monopoly probe by Chinese authorities who declared they were “just checking to make sure the said monopoly is not winning too much.” Apparently, there's a fine line between being a leading tech company and an outright overlord of search engines, and Google just crossed it in a glittery parade float. As tariffs become the new pastime for some countries, US officials unearthed a novel solution to their budget woes: “Let’s sprinkle some tariffs on stuff and watch the revenue roll in like it's Black Friday!” This plan received rave reviews from concerned citizens who appreciate nothing like a little economic adversity to heighten their shopping experience. Experts are baffled by the audacity of both countries—China with its tariffs and Google with its monopoly scheme. They sit sipping their coffee, wondering how it is that a country notorious for undercutting prices is now, somehow, playing a game designed to inflate them. Economists suggest that if this continues, the international market might soon resemble a high-stakes poker game where everyone’s bluffing about their product sizes and import fees while keeping a straight face. Citizens are left scratching their heads and rifling through their wallets, contemplating how to cope with the onslaught of tariffs while simultaneously trying to avoid the volatile grip of a tech monopoly. It’s clear: the free market is taking a much-needed vacation! As tariffs cascade and probes proliferate, one thing is for sure: the dance of diplomacy has never looked so much like an awkward rejection at a middle school dance. So here’s to tariffs and monopolies, the uninvited duo making the world feel just a little less predictable, and a lot more entertaining! Grab your popcorn. The show is just getting started!