In a bold and innovative move amidst escalating trade tensions, China has announced it will start sending “Participation Certificates” to the United States as an official token of goodwill. This groundbreaking initiative is designed to recognize the U.S. for its enthusiastic participation in the ongoing trade war, which is likened to a high-stakes game of Monopoly where neither player ever really wins, but both end up with a mountain of credit card debt. Chinese officials unveiled the new program late Monday, following prominent threats from U.S. President-elect Donald Trump to impose an additional 10% tariff on all Chinese imports, which many are calling “Operation: Let’s Make Stuff Weird.” Liu Pengyu, spokesperson for the Chinese Embassy, expressed his delight over the initiative, stating, “We believe that everyone should be acknowledged for their efforts in a global trade playground. Even if those efforts plunge the world into economic disarray.” The Participation Certificates will be lavishly designed, featuring golden borders, enthusiastic but mildly confusing slogans like “Congratulations on Participating!” and a checklist for all the times the U.S. has stirred the pot on the international stage. Each certificate will be embossed with a seal of approval from China’s Ministry of Snark. When asked about the sincerity of the initiative, the spokesperson responded, “Of course, there’s nothing insincere about handing out acknowledgment. It’s like giving a trophy for showing up to a competition where everyone gets a participation prize, even if you did set the rules on fire. Everyone gets a certificate! Well, except for the people actually affected by the tariffs, they’ll just get bills.” In light of the announcement, American consumers are understandably confused. Many are left wondering if they should hang these certificates on their walls or use them as toilet paper once the tariffs drive prices sky-high. Meanwhile, economists speculate about the long-term effects of “participation,” predicting everything from rising inflation to complete disregard for math altogether. While the U.S. government has remained tight-lipped about whether it will reciprocate with its own certificates, analysts suggest a likely “Thanks for Nothing” award could make waves. As the trade war heats up and nations prepare for a multi-continental game of economic dodgeball, one thing is clear: everyone can expect a shiny certificate, even if it doesn’t come with any actual benefits.