In a jaw-dropping attempt to salvage floundering customer relations and restore its reputation down under, Toyota has officially announced a revolutionary new event: the "Great Australian Return-a-Thon." Dubbed as the "only car return experience that drives your regrets back," this month-long carnival is set against the scenic backdrop of the Outback, where remorse and late-night buyer’s remorse combine in a delightful automotive jamboree. Picture this: a giant inflatable version of a Corolla, equipped with super-sized regret bouncers, will be the centerpiece of an open field where former Toyota owners can trade in their vehicles while sharing stories of their most profound automotive regrets. Organizers envision participants lining up to confront their deepest automotive fears—whether it was the spur-of-the-moment decision to purchase a bright pink Camry or the ill-advised leap to the gas-guzzling Land Cruiser without first considering the environmental ramifications. “We wanted to create an event where our loyal customers can come back and hug their Former Vehicles of Shame,” said Toyota’s Chief Regret Officer, who is believed to be a former therapist specializing in buyer's remorse. “Whether you lost a bet on the last footy match or simply succumbed to the temptation of the hottest deal on wheels, we’re here for it!” Attendees of the Return-a-Thon will be treated to a literal buffet of regret: delicious snacks named after infamous models like the “Yaris of Yesteryear” sliders and “Camry Catastrophe” cupcakes. For the more adventurous guests, there will be the “Regret Rally,” a race where participants must drive their current vehicle through a series of ridiculous obstacles designed to mirror the poor life choices that led them to this event in the first place. Think parallel parking challenges in tight spaces and avoiding set-ups of things like “desperate salesman pitches.” One of the highlights will be a therapy tent where former and current Toyota owners can share their experiences with the brand under the guidance of a trained counselor who specializes in breaking down the stigma surrounding car failures. A free sticker booth will also be available, where participants can craft personalized bumper stickers like “I bought a Prius; I wish I hadn’t” or “My Avalon was a ‘no’ from the get-go.” For those opting to trade in their cars, a flash mob of disgruntled former consumers in Hawaiian shirts will perform an emotional interpretive dance called “The Sorrow of the Sedan,” representing the turbulent journey of owning a car that never quite felt right. Rumor has it a celebrity guest star may drop in to deliver a trending TikTok dance, showcasing how to really “let it go” when faced with a regrettable purchase. In a last-ditch effort to ensure a packed house, Toyota pledged that every car returned will come with a complimentary “I’m Never Buying a Toyota Again” T-shirt adorned with a humorous cartoon depicting a car breaking down at the most inconvenient moment. The hope is that this will somehow turn the tides on the brand’s public perception, one washed-out T-shirt at a time. Come one, come all! The Great Australian Return-a-Thon promises to be a whirlwind of laughter, honesty, and slightly absurd auto-anecdotes that will usher in a new era of automotive acceptance. After all, owning a Toyota might just be the biggest regret you can afford not to acknowledge—so why not embrace it and laugh a little along the way?