Thum's the Word: A Comedic Journey Through the Hilariously Underwhelming Family Tree of Thum Once upon a time, in a world not so far removed from our own, the illustrious surname of Thum emerged like a single shooting star in a sky of average-sized celestial bodies. It’s a name that resonates throughout the ages, invoking thoughts of greatness, ennui, and the possible confirmation that some surnames were likely invented during a particularly dull afternoon in a medieval tavern. In this tale, we shall peel back the layers, like a disheveled onion, to uncover the hilariously underwhelming family tree of Thum. At the helm of our amusing genealogical expedition is Christian Thum, the German-born Swedish actor and theater director who, between plotting his next dramatic scene, likely pondered if his surname sounded more like a prompt to “thum it up” rather than a badge of honor. One can only imagine the reactions of the audience when, upon being introduced, he would simply stand there, arms akimbo, while the applause ebbed away, leaving behind an awkward silence punctuated only by the rustling of popcorn. “Thum, the one-man show,” could have been his tagline, though it sounds more like a forgotten cosplay event at a comic convention. Now, let’s leap into the fast-paced, thrilling world of American football with none other than Denny Thum. As an executive, Denny has likely stumbled into meetings where he had to explain that his last name wasn’t a typo for “thumb,” which some well-meaning colleagues might encourage him to use as a nickname, despite the fact that no one has ever seen a serious person employ a body part as a valid moniker. “Mr. Thumb, please?” might work in a casual backyard barbecue, but not when negotiating player contracts. Then there is Gregor Thum, the historian, whose life must be a treasure trove of endless dates, facts, and the glee that comes from discovering how time makes everything slightly more boring. One may envision him pouring over dusty tomes, battling time itself to prove that the Thums have always been, well, those people on the periphery of every important event in history. “Ah yes, this battle, where Thum men stood valiantly in the background!” - applause from nobody - as he quietly wonders if anyone has ever cared about the man who sat on the sidelines of history, nursing a grog and lamenting that he forgot the lines to his part. And who could forget the legendary American bowler Joe Thum, who, in retrospect, probably wondered why he didn't just choose a career that promised more glory, like competitive napping or underwater basket weaving. Bowling! A sport where the pinnacle of success includes striking while clutching a ball that can only be described as resiliently heavy and suspiciously shiny—a true Thum legacy of uncertainty. The Thum family might as well have been the ones holding up the pins in a cosmic joke. As we wade deeper into the, shall we say, “less-celebrated” branches of the Thum family tree, we come face to face with Jon Thum, visual effects artist. You would think a Thum would be making things better, right? Yet, in a twist of fate only a Thum could orchestrate, Jon likely found himself creating delightful explosions for movies while being the real-life equivalent of a human “meh.” “Sure, it looks great,” the directors may say, “but can we add some Thum?”—the answer would be ‘no,’ forever cementing his lineage in cinematic history, but only if one squints hard enough to see him lurking in the background of all the explosions and dinosaurs. Next on our comedic lineup is Patty Prather Thum, an artist from the early 20th century whose works are perhaps best described as masterpieces that were well-received by relatives who had to pretend to understand modern art. “Why yes, Aunt Patty, this is most certainly a reflection of the human condition… yes, yes, those are indeed brushstrokes!” Imagine family gatherings where Uncle Bob heckles the art they all pretend to admire, muttering “I could have done that” while actually only succeeding in painting the word 'THUM' on the family garage. Peter Thum, the American entrepreneur, must’ve slightly tilled the earth for success. Yet we can surmise that with a name like “Thum,” every business pitch must come with the disclaimer: “No thumbs were lost in the making of this project.” Imagine pitching innovative ideas only to have the potential investors chuckle at how your name sounds like the impending sound of a poorly dropped box. Then we rouse the likes of Robert Thum, the Austrian table tennis player whose matches surely inspired thousands of “that’s all there is to it!” moments. It’s a true testament to the resilience of mediocrity when your claim to fame is being known as “the guy who tried really hard to hit a tiny ball with a paddle, but perhaps less hard on actually winning.” Truly, a Thum’s enthusiasm for sport is only matched by their ability to deflect glory like a returning ball on a rather unimpressive serve. As our delightful tour reaches its conclusion, we find ourselves face-to-face with the vibrant spirit of Steffen Thum, a composer likely struggling with finding that one note that would show everyone that the Thum name could create music that resonates beyond just the awkward sound of a door creaking. Steffen might be composing the next big symphony, with the cast of characters all named ‘Thum,’ to ensure that nobody forgets the sheer weight of such a surname attached to a musical score. One can visualize his orchestras raising their instruments aloft and singing “Thum, Thum, forever!” in tune with the grandiosity of neighborhood pets barking in approving harmony. Last but not least, we have Thum Ping Tjin, or PJ Thum, a historian and journalist from Singapore, who breaks out of the shadowy past of his ancestors with more aplomb than the rest. Yet, endowed with a name like “Thum,” he too must occasionally face the existential crisis of thinking “Am I perhaps destined to research why my family has failed to achieve notable greatness despite existing for centuries?” Spoiler alert: it’s just one of those Thum things. In closing, the Thum family tree oscillates between hilarious and utterly fascinating. With every Thum we've explored, a tinge of the absurd resonates. Where else do such unassuming descendants gather, armed with the knowledge of an illustrious name while striving to escape the gravity of a surname that squelches grandeur like an air mattress losing air at a party? Next time you hear ‘Thum,’ remember, it’s not just a name, it’s a multi-generational joke that only gets better—though perhaps not more distinguished—over time. Here's to the Thums, a reminder that while English may be a language of precision, their family doesn’t quite hit the nail on the head—instead, they just embrace the humor of it all.