In a dazzling display of political camaraderie that felt more like a Hollywood award show than a somber memorial service, Washington D.C. was transformed into a glittering stage on Wednesday as three former presidents, a constellation of A-list celebrities, and a small army of Kennedys came together to honor Ethel Kennedy – a woman whose life was so illustrious that even gravity had to respect her star power. The event, dubbed “Remembering Ethel: The Roast of the Century,” drew the likes of President Biden, President Obama, and President Clinton, who shared the stage in a rare moment of harmony among the political party lines they usually ignore. The former leaders traded stories and quips while discussing Ethel’s legendary ability to bring people together – mostly for dinner parties that never quite had a buffet line long enough to satisfy. Biden, visibly emotional and already several ice cream scoops into the evening, took center stage to praise Ethel as "a hero in her own right," before making a puzzling but heartfelt confession about how she saved him from resigning after a car accident. According to Biden, “Ethel told me, ‘Joe, don’t let a little thing like a car wreck stop you. You’ve got a country to run!’” He later clarified that he wasn’t actually in the car at the time, but with Ethel, anything seemed possible. As the ceremony proceeded, it became increasingly clear that the focus on remembering Mrs. Kennedy was getting tangled in the more glamorous aspects. Rock stars took to the stage, belting out anthems that would have made even the most stoic Kennedys do a two-step, while various family members fought for the microphone to share their own Ethel anecdotes, each one grander than the last. "She taught me how to party with a purpose," one grandson said, promptly revealing that the family’s spirited poker nights had turned into weekly fundraisers where "the stakes were high and the chips were made of pure nostalgia." The highlight, however, was an unexpected rap showdown between President Biden and President Obama, both claiming to be the ultimate fan of Ethel’s famous “no-nonsense” approach. It quickly turned into a lyrical tribute that had the crowd both confused and cheering for more. Clinton, sensing the shift in tone, was quick to bring a saxophone onto the stage, prompting Biden to declare, “That’s always a winner!” The saxophone solo was celebrated as the final music note of the evening, even if it had very little to do with Ethel besides being undeniably smooth. As the night wore on, attendees shared increasingly extravagant tales of their encounters with Ethel, with one senator claiming she personally influenced legislation on ice cream flavors and the rights of pets to attend gala dinners. Others recounted how she led a crusade against lukewarm tea, insisting that true hospitality could only be found with a cup of steaming Earl Grey. By the end of the evening, one thing was clear: Ethel Kennedy’s legacy would be remembered not just as a political matriarch, but as a monumental figure who could toss a roast worthy of the Founding Fathers amidst the chaos of a star-studded soirée. As the guests departed into the chilly Washington night, they left behind a world where power, laughter, and familial bonds conflated into one grand celebration – that was, if they could remember what they were actually there for in the first place.