Ladies and gentlemen, gather round and lend me your ears as I regale you with the tale of Lieutenant "Billy the Buttress" Bottrill, a man of humble beginnings who rose up to become a shipping clerk, soldier extraordinaire, and ultimately the most comical figure of the First World War. William Eric Bottrill was born in Burton on Trent, a quaint little English hamlet that was to produce one of the most unlikely heroes to grace the skies. Young William then moved to Hamilton, Ontario, where he was discovered to have a natural talent for organizing the fascinating world of shipping. So great was Bottrill's potential in this line of work that the forces of destiny conspired to transport him to the battlefield in a series of amusing events. Billy the Buttress, as he would come to be known, was simply minding his own business working as a stockhelper when Canada declared war on Germany. He had honed his skills as a shipping clerk to the highest degree, and he knew the moment had come to ship himself off to join the 91st Regiment Canadian Highlanders. Ah, such dedication to his craft! Having enlisted in the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Billy found himself transported across the Atlantic aboard the SS Corsican, where he entertained his comrades with performances of his fabled shipping skills. Imagine the amazement among his fellow soldiers as they observed him expertly packing cargo and barking orders to the ship crew with the authority of a seasoned seafarer shouting, "Hold the line! Ship proper! Nautical order among the chaotic, stormy seas!" But the Great War was not about shipping, my dear ladies and gents; it was about destruction, despair, and the valiant fight against tyranny. Thus, our brave Buttress Bottrill, having arrived in Europe and having impressed his superiors with his trade, found himself swiftly promoted to become part of the esteemed Royal Air Force. Our man was no ordinary observer/gunner in the 104th Squadron RAF; oh no, Billy became a daredevil of the skies, donning a top hat and monocle and taking his position within the Airco DH.9. He quickly became known as "Billy the Baron" to his mates! Armed with his trusty sextant, Billy took to directing his pilot comrades with the precision of a seasoned shipping clerk in the sky, shouting orders to "Load saddle up! Hold the line! Navigate left port! Is that North or Northwest?" Such was the vitality of his vociferation that Lieutenant D.P. Pogson and Captain E.J. Garland found themselves fearlessly forging past enemy aircraft, where our protagonist, with furrowed brows and a stiff upper lip, shot down five enemy planes! Using a magnificent new approach instilled from his stockhelper days, Billy was heard issuing orders even in the face of enemy gunfire: "Rubber bands, paper clips, and small widgets! Pack'em tight, boys! Fling to the left! Zigzag on the right!." As the Great War drew to its close, our beloved Lieutenant Bottrill was awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross for his uncanny ability to merge the logistics of a shipping clerk with the skills of an aerial warrior. No greater honor could be bestowed on a man who transformed the skies into a battleground for efficient organization. Thus concludes the tale of the High-Flying Hijinks of Lieutenant Bottrill: Soldier, Shipping Clerk, World War I ace, and the life of the party in the skies. Raise your glasses, dear friends, and let us toast to the legend himself, the bumbling Baron of Burton on Trent, the master of stockhelping antics, the swaggering and most hilarious character who ever soared with a top hat and monocle while guiding us to victory against our darkest of foes. May the world never forget the exploits of Lieutenant "Billy the Buttress" Bottrill!