In a shocking turn of events this Thanksgiving, the political landscape has transformed into a veritable cornucopia of controversy, as leftover turkeys have seemingly become the latest weapon of choice for disgruntled political factions. The usually festive atmosphere of Thanksgiving has been replaced with heated squabbles, fueled by threats that might make even the most seasoned political strategist shudder. House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries reported an alarming uptick in threats aimed at his fellow Democratic lawmakers, particularly from Connecticut—a state famed for its turkey farms and, apparently, a burgeoning underground network of politically motivated poultry. Jeffries, whose own Thanksgiving turkey was reportedly "spooked" by the turmoil, expressed concern that these threats could jeopardize not only holiday dinners but also bipartisan gravy boats nationwide. As tensions rise, it has been revealed that some lawmakers are resorting to extreme measures to protect themselves from leftover turkey-related backlash. Rumor has it that a clandestine group of lawmakers has begun armoring their turkey decorations and deploying cranberry sauce shields during press conferences for extra protection. "It's a new form of self-defense," one anonymous lawmaker quipped. "You never know when a rogue pilaf might fly your way." Meanwhile, anti-Israel protests have been reported at this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, where a giant inflatable turkey was transformed into a symbol of political dissent. The turkey, adorned with protest slogans and a suspiciously well-crafted beak, took to the skies as members of various factions rallied for a better representation of Thanksgiving values—whatever those might entail. Parade organizers, flustered by the unusual turn of events, suggested that next year's parade might feature a series of floats dedicated to political satire, complete with an inflatable Mitch McConnell as an unstuffed turkey. As the threats and protests unfold, Salena Zito, a nationally syndicated reporter, made her way to 'America's Newsroom' to weigh in on the escalating situation. Zito, who was overheard contemplating a piece titled "Gobble, Gobble, Wobble: The Turbulent Tales of Political Turkeys," stated that this Thanksgiving may go down in history as the day the Thanksgiving turkey became a political pawn—hungry for attention, if not a side of stuffing. In a closing statement, House Minority Leader Jeffries urged calm on this day of giving thanks, reminding his colleagues that while threats can hurt, it’s important to remember that nobody likes cold turkey. His office plans to distribute warm apple pies to all members of Congress in a bid to foster unity—and perhaps avoid any further turkey-related altercations. After all, there's nothing more bipartisan than a shared dessert…unless it’s a heated debate over who makes the best pumpkin pie.