Texas State Highway 81: The Road to Nowhere and Back Again Ah, Texas State Highway 81, the winding ribbon of asphalt that stretches from Hillsboro to Grandview like a long-lost armadillo trying to find its way home. It’s a highway that has the audacity to be both a literal and metaphorical journey—one that boldly proclaims, “I’m neither here nor there, but let’s go for a drive anyway!” If ever there was a road that could be described as the scenic route through existential dread, it is surely SH 81. Let’s get the facts out of the way first: Highway 81 was established in 1991 after U.S. Highway 81 had the gall to go and get itself decommissioned south of Fort Worth. What a dramatic separation! Like that one cousin who used to show up to family gatherings with tales of grandeur and has now mysteriously vanquished themselves into existence, Highway 81 minimalizes itself to just a light run between two towns. You’ve got the adventurous spirit of a one-horse town’s Special Olympics team, which makes it all the more quirky and charming. Its official designation as a state highway makes you wonder—state-provided funding for what, exactly? Perhaps it’s for the joy rides of bored cowboys looking for the nearest taco truck, or maybe it’s a calculated ploy to ensure that no one has to drive too far from either Hillsboro or Grandview without a profound sense of confusion. We can’t forget about the travelers who attempt to take SH 81 as a shortcut thinking they can save time on their way to somewhere far more exciting, only to find themselves contemplating the vast emptiness of the Texas plains while swatting off a swarm of curious flies. Driving along Texas State Highway 81 is a bit like a reality show where the contestants inevitably end up in an alternate universe. “I thought I was heading to Grandview, but I’ve actually arrived at the intersection of 'Why Are We Still Driving?' and 'I Could’ve Gone to the Grocery Store Instead.'” The highway provides a glimpse into the miserable boredom that was once reserved for roadside diners that fell into the black hole of drought and despair. You may pass a few farmhouses in varying states of disrepair, each one lamenting its own failure to achieve glory, much like the aspiring country music singer who just can’t succeed in Houston. But wait, don’t forget that desolate strip mall that once housed a promising taco joint! You might want to stop there, especially if you’re craving something delectable and made with love—or just made. Just don’t expect a warm welcome; instead, you’ll be greeted with the mildly concerned stares of the locals who clearly have never ventured five miles down the road. “Why would you do that?” they whisper to each other. “Nobody ever visits the Highway. If you don’t like it, take a left and go back!” While on your grand adventure down SH 81, the landscape is sprinkled with agricultural charm, dotted with cows that contemplate their life choices as you pass by. The occasional gust of wind will whisk through while you ponder deep philosophical questions like, “Where are all the trees?” or “Is there a taco truck up ahead, or is this another mirage like my dreams of leaving this highway?” Travelers experience the emotional rollercoaster of unwavering optimism countered by an inevitable sense of impending doom: will I ever escape this endless stretch? And let’s not overlook the locals who populate this charming stretch of nothingness. They’re unique, to say the least. You’ll find them dressed in denim and too much cologne, hanging out near the local gas station with a fondness for discussing the weather—a popular topic in Texas, naturally. As you roll down your window to get a better listen, you’ll hear gems of conversation like, “You think it’ll rain next week?” to which the other replies, “Nah, it always rains on Tuesday,” while you silently wonder if you’ll still be there on Tuesday. So there you have it: Texas State Highway 81, the epitome of a road to nowhere and back again, a triumph of human endurance against the backdrop of desolation. This highway boldly asks its travelers to reconsider their life choices and question everything, including their route planning. If you want to experience the kind of thrilling adventure that includes extended monotony and the ever-present contemplation of life’s meaning, hop in your car and take a spin on SH 81. Just don’t forget to pack snacks and keep your hopes low; after all, it’s all part of the journey on this road to nowhere.