In a bold display of their commitment to climate resilience, the state of Texas has officially announced its revolutionary plan to combat climate change: turning a blind eye to it while gunning for record-breaking barbecue contests. Governor "Stuff Happens" Abbott assured concerned citizens that the best way to handle rising sea levels, extreme heat, and catastrophic storms is to simply “not think about it.” “Why change our lifestyles or invest in renewable energy when we could just embrace the chaos?” Abbott declared at a recent press conference held in front of a massive oil refinery. “We’ve got a clear formula: more oil, more guns, and less science! Throw in some live music, and we’re ready for summer!” He went on to explain that nothing brings communities together quite like an impending natural disaster themed festival, where residents can celebrate the inevitable by indulging in chili cook-offs and hot sauce challenges. In the latest initiative, Texas educators have been encouraged to swap climate change curricula for lessons on “How to Protect Your Loved Ones During Hurricanes with a Six-Pack and a Lawn Chair.” To ensure this revolutionary educational shift goes smoothly, classrooms are now equipped with a new state-approved textbook entitled “Ignorance is Bliss: A Texan’s Guide to Just Letting It Happen." As part of their ongoing dedication to creating the finest possible post-apocalyptic landscape, state officials have passed a measure that encourages developers to build even more waterfront condos in flood-prone areas, aptly named “Canoe Vistas.” “Why waste time and money planning for the future when we can just keep cuddling with our past mistakes?” stated a construction executive who was too busy untangling himself from the last hurricane’s debris to provide further comment. Meanwhile, as the state braces for what experts predict will be another record-breaking storm season, local residents have embraced their “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” philosophy. “We’ve got plenty of duct tape and BBQ sauce,” said lifelong Texan Robby McPorker. “What more could we need? Besides a few good old-fashioned prayers, of course!” While environmentalists resign themselves to shouting into the wind, the Lone Star state’s finest minds are hard at work developing a new beverage: “Hail Mary Sweet Tea,” which promises to quench your thirst while you stand on your roof waiting for rescue. Ultimately, as storms rage and temperatures rise, Texans can take comfort in a reassuring truth: at least when the world is ending, barbecue and bravado will keep us together—at least until we’re swept away in a flash flood of our own making. As the state motto suggests: “It’s better to live large and unprepared than small and sensible.” And so, the Texas way of life continues, storm by storm, in a glorious parade of ignorance and inaction.