In a groundbreaking move that is sure to resonate deeply within the hearts of Texas oil barons and the local six-pack demographic, state lawmakers have unveiled a dazzling new bill — the "No Leak Left Behind Act." Promising to hold oil companies accountable for their less-than-honorable underground activities, the legislation is set to make waves. Or at least cause a ripple, until the next social media trend distracts everyone. The bill, championed by a coalition of ardent supporters in ten-gallon hats and plaid shirts, pledges to address the pressing issue of oil companies burying toxic waste in the backyards of unsuspecting homeowners. “For too long, our beloved oil industry has been tarred by the controversy of environmental responsibility,” said a line of perfectly coiffed legislators, in unison, as they munched on fried chicken drizzled with oil profits. “With this bill, we’re putting our foot down… or at least digging a hole for our problems.” In a shocking turn of events, the bill offers a remarkable twist: it suggests that the oil companies should self-report their dirty deeds! “After all,” one astute politician remarked, “who knows better about what they’re doing than the people who are doing it?” This novel concept of self-regulation is not unlike trusting your toddler with the family’s cookie jar — what could possibly go wrong? Those directly impacted by the oil industry, namely the unsuspecting landowners who might find their soil resembling a scene from a particularly animated Mad Max movie, have expressed mixed feelings. “I always thought buried treasure was the goal,” said local homeowner, Earl “Chip” McDig, “but now it seems I might be sitting on a gold mine of toxic sludge instead. Who knew?” The environmental watchdogs, meanwhile, have taken to their social media platforms, emojis in hand, to express their concerns. “Sure, self-regulation sounds great on paper,” tweeted one eco-activist, “but so did the Titanic’s maiden voyage.” Their combination of exasperation and laughter echoed through the digital landscape, as they prepared yet another protest sign that would undoubtedly become a viral hit. As the bill gurgles its way through the legislative process, one thing remains clear: Texas oil titans will continue to dig deep — both into the Earth and into the pockets of local residents who might one day have to explain to their kids why the backyard is slightly glowing and smells of fried pickles. So, will the "No Leak Left Behind Act" usher in a new era of transparency and accountability in the Texas oil industry? Experts say the odds are about as likely as finding a vegan barbecue joint in the heart of Austin, but at least everyone will get a kick out of watching the charade unfold. Stay tuned, Texas, because this is bound to become a hot mess — or rather, a “hot well.”