In a shocking turn of events just days before the much-anticipated Super Bowl, snack enthusiasts everywhere are grappling with a sudden spike in egg prices that has left them scrambling for alternatives. While traditional game day delights like deviled eggs and egg salad sandwiches are slipping further out of reach for many consumers, a new contender has entered the snack arena: the humble potato chip, now adorned with a crown of glory as the unofficial MVP of Super Bowl snacking. Meanwhile, avocados are reportedly "cowering" under the weight of tariffs imposed by the Trump administration, which has made guacamole a luxury item rather than an everyday dip. "I used to be able to whip up a big batch of guac for the game," lamented one self-proclaimed guacamole aficionado, "but now I have to pick between my financial stability and my Super Bowl spread. Spoiler alert: I'm going for the chips." As snack prices continue to spiral, small businesses are doing their best to recover from recent fire devastations while simultaneously navigating the chaos of the availability of common snack foods. "We used to have a thriving egg sandwich shop," explained one small business owner through tears of nostalgia, "but now we’re trading in avocado toast for the ever-reliable bag of chips. At least they don’t price-gouge—yet." In other news, a recent AP-NORC poll revealed that about half of Americans now approve of using weight-loss drugs to treat obesity, with many residents conjecturing that this could transform us into a nation of snack enthusiasts who look good in skinny jeans. "Forget eggs and avocados," chuckled one enthusiastic supporter, "I'm just waiting for the weight-loss pill that tastes like nachos, because that's the American dream, right?" Meanwhile, Black History Month is taking center stage, with numerous celebrations and an abundance of myths being unpacked. This year’s theme focuses on cultural resilience and the surprisingly strong connection between historical events and today’s snack choices. Reports suggest that the influx of snacks influenced by cultural heritage will take a front-row seat at Super Bowl parties nationwide. As the Super Bowl approaches and egg prices remain sky-high, one thing is for certain: the chips will be flowing, the guacamole will be sparse, and American snackers everywhere are ready to adapt in the face of culinary adversity. So grab your bags of chips and mark your calendars—it’s going to be a Super Bowl snacking extravaganza, tariff-free!