In a stunning display of fandom rarely seen outside of a sold-out concert, billionaire Steve Cohen transformed into a baseball-mad guru as he welcomed fans to Citi Field for the NLDS showdown against the Philadelphia Phillies. Dressed in a Mets cap that likely cost more than your average car, Cohen grinned widely, exclaiming "Let's Go Mets!" with the enthusiasm of a child who just discovered candy, while fans surrounded him like moths to a well-lit flame. Eyewitnesses reported that the hedge fund mogul was treated with a level of idolatry usually reserved for pop stars or astronauts. "I mean, I've seen people crowd-surf at a Taylor Swift concert, but this was something else. They were practically begging him for selfies," said a local fan, still shaking from the adrenaline of being just a few feet away from a billionaire owner instead of a third baseman. As Cohen interacted with eager fans, many were left wondering if they had stepped into an alternate universe where watching the home team play actually required an entrance fee measured in actual dollars and not just the spirit of the game. "I never thought I'd pay $30 for a hot dog just to impress the owner of the team," remarked one parent who had reluctantly bought a plate of overpriced nachos in a futile effort to keep their kid occupied. Despite the commotion, the real drama unfolded on the field as the Mets dominated the Phillies 7-2, leaving fans giddy with excitement. Many speculated that Cohen’s mere presence brought a supernatural boost to the team—perhaps a secret hedge-fund strategy involving motivational speeches or psychic forecasts. "I half-expect him to start an investment fund just for players' batting averages," quipped a local sports analyst. As the game progressed, Cohen's celebrity status only intensified. Reports came in that some fans were considering altering their outfits to match his cap, launching a new fashion trend dubbed "Cohen Chic." Meanwhile, the team filled their trophy case, leading Cohen to announce he would personally sponsor a "Victory Celebration Fund," comprised entirely of overpriced memorabilia destined to line his mansion walls. Ultimately, Cohen's interaction with fans culminated in a heartfelt proclamation that he would "buy lunch for everyone, provided they followed him on social media." The crowd erupted into cheers, with fans contemplating the true cost of dining with the billionaire owner—constantly updating their feeds to ensure they weren't missing out on any of the fantastical good fortune that seemed to bubble up from the owner's robust bank account. As the sun set on an exhilarating day of baseball, fans were left to ponder just how much of this exhilarating experience could be purchased at the local Mets merchandise tent. One thing was clear: whether or not the team clinches the series, Steve Cohen is clearly the MVP of the little league game he has inadvertently turned into a billionaire's playground.