In a bold move that has been dubbed the "Sanction-a-Palooza," UK Labour leader Keir Starmer has announced a new strategy aimed at making Russia think twice about any further escapades in Ukraine. The plan was unveiled during a lavish summit co-hosted by French President Emmanuel Macron, where attendees included representatives from 30 nations, the European Union, and NATO—plus a few additional guests who just showed up for the free refreshments. Starmer, who has apparently been binge-watching action movies, proposed a "framework and a deadline" for peace talks that can be summed up in three simple words: "Talk Tough, Sanction Harder." According to him, this would not only support Ukraine, but also serve as an open invitation for other countries to join in on the fun of international sanctions. “Why should we let Russia have all the fun?” Starmer reportedly exclaimed while flipping through a colorful brochure entitled “Sanctions for Dummies.” Joining him in this theatrical gathering, Macron suggested a shiny, new European reassurance force, capable of responding if Moscow decides to crash the party uninvited. Attendees nodded eagerly as Macron spoke, likely imagining the force as a well-armed version of border patrol, complete with neon vests and walkie-talkies. In a further twist, Starmer announced that the summit would end with a grand prize: the country that lays down the harshest sanctions on Russia would win a lifetime supply of EU butter and a commemorative plaque featuring a cute cartoon of a Ukrainian sunflower waving goodbye to a sad bear. As the summit concluded, delegates rushed to Instagram to share their new sanctions-themed selfies, with hashtags like #SanctionSquad and #PeacePalooza dominating the platform. Rumors are already swirling about subsequent events focused on reducing carbon footprints—sparking the potential for a “Climate Change Carnival” and “Deforestation Fiesta” in the coming months. In the midst of the celebration, some representatives were spotted clumsily trying to implement Starmer’s grand sanction scheme, mistakenly ordering coffee sanctions against local baristas who dared to serve their lattes too hot. The world watches with bated breath: Will all these new sanctions actually make a difference, or will they simply serve as an elaborate excuse for the international community to throw an annual “Sanction-a-Palooza” where nations can trade punitive measures like Pokémon cards? Only time will tell.