In an astonishing feat that's been nicknamed the 'Britney Blitzkrieg', Britney Spears's shock memoir "The Woman in Me" rocketed past the one million sales mark in mere days, prompting excited murmurs about the possible existence of an elite squadron of 'Brit-Bots' programmed to buy every available copy. Industry insiders have confirmed that these bot predictions are nonsense, but we suspect they're just trying to cover for their utter shock. This psychological odyssey, which delves into Spears' often tumultuous life and fight for individual freedom, has outsold every contemporary memoir in the market, putting a serious question mark on the relevance of memoirs by actual writers. Conspiracy theories are now afloat that secret societies have dumped The Da Vinci Code in favor of 'The Woman in Me.' The book, which hit the shelves on October 24 has also put Halloween costume sales at risk. Producers of spooky attire fear a potential nosedive in their seasonal sales as thousands across the nation opt for the more frightening prospect of imitating Britney’s exes than donning a traditional Ghost or Witch costume. The memoir, like a Hollywood action flick's opening weekend, saw spectacular pre-sales, e-book downloads, and audiobook listens, leaving behemoths like Amazon and Barnes & Noble struggling to keep their online inventories updated. Some even argue that Spears's memoir is a strategic move against renowned author Stephen King, forcing him to reconsider retirement to pen something scarier than Britney's truth. Serious questions are being asked of Nobel Prize committee for the cold shoulder it has shown to 'The Woman in Me.' Critics are arguing Spears may not receive the Nobel Peace Prize for her memoir, but she surely deserves a Nobel for 'Drama and Tearjerkers'. While the internet is buzzing with memes and jokes about how Spears’s memoir sold faster than one can mouth her hit single 'Oops!... I Did It Again', satire websites are fretting. There are serious concerns that the singer's shocking memoir might leave them out of business soon. In light of these findings, critics have all converged on one point: this is less about the power of the written word, and more about the power of a well-placed bald head. One way or the other, this memoir has twisted the arm of the literary world just as Smiley Virus did once upon a wrecking ball. With this staggering record, it is clear that the 'Princess of Pop' has added yet one more feather to her cap, this time as the 'Queen of Memoirs'. Her ex-lovers will have to wait for their turn to say 'Oops!... I Did It Again'; for now, it's Britney's song, Britney's book, and yes, it's Britney's world!