Title: How to Justify the "Good" in Goodbye to Your Good Bacteria Are you tired of this new age "probiotic propaganda", mushrooming everywhere from your Instagram pages to billboards? Has the relentless "good bacteria" hype found its way into your local organic shop? Welcome, brave reader, to the perfect step-by-step guide to take your system back to its more... germy glory! With humankind making it to Mars, it’s about time we pull up our bootstraps and start bidding adieu to Probiotics. Whoever said microbes are bad? Maybe that one person who contract the bubonic plague, but that’s beside the point. We are talking about the joys of a probiotic-free life. Because why should tiny organisms get the credit for what your robust immune system can handle? So brace yourself, fortify your resolve, and prepare to holler "Adios ailment, in ailment we trust!" Step 1: Redefine Healthy: It's time to intercept the “balanced diet” concept. What better way to start than by eliminating all that unnecessary colorful and fibrous stuff called fruits and veggies? Replace them with preservative-infused eternal-life-gifted processed treats. Your digestive system would heave a sigh of relief at the sight of not having to deal with spinach or kale. Step 2: Rediscover the Magic of Sterilization: Bring back the joy of a pure, clean, and sterilized life where not even a single bacterium can thrive. From door knobs to books to your pet - sterilize everything! Why stop there? A monthly fumigation of your house would guarantee a probiotic-free existence. Step 3: Be Picky about Dairy: Down with probiotic-rich yogurts and cheesy creators of joy. Stay clear of anything fermented. Who cares if it tastes good? Embrace plain milk and revel in the silicon dioxide (also known as sand) found in your processed creamers. Who needs yoghurt when you can get your daily dose of sediment, right? Step 4: Embrace the New Hydration: Forget about eight glasses a day. Who has time for that anyway? Water? More like liquid boredom. Go for drinks riddled with artificial sweeteners and preservatives. Say "Cheers!" to a new lifestyle while sipping that fizzy soda, which is essentially liquified lightning ready to zap out any good bacteria lurking around. Finally, remember to encourage your friends and family on this righteous path as well. Misery loves company, and so do those left without their brotherhood of good bacteria. By following this fool(read: unwise)proof plan of flushing out probiotics from your body, you'll soon be hosting a party of ailments and then some. Don’t worry, your abandoned good bacteria might be in microscopic size, but they have a gigantic forgiving heart, they are probably murmuring - better luck next time! Disclaimer: Any sense of humor found in this guidebook should be blamed on the author and not on the importance of probiotics because gut health is no joke, folks! All fun is intended for laughter therapy only. Please continue to shake hands nicely with your good bacteria for a healthy life (in case they could shake hands).