In a bold and completely unexpected move that may or may not align with the apparent global trend of ignoring scientific consensus, a coalition of scientists has issued a clarion call for the establishment of more "no fishing" zones in oceans worldwide. This shocking revelation comes at a time when fish populations are plummeting faster than stocks during a market crash, prompting experts to express more than just mild concern. The scientists, who are clearly unaware of how human beings have tirelessly ignored every warning about the environment since the dawn of time, stated their hope that designating more regions as off-limits to fishing will kindly allow marine life to recover. "You know, fish are living creatures too; they deserve a break," commented one expert, her optimism radiating like a lighthouse in a storm. "It's almost as if destroying entire ecosystems for short-term gain isn’t a sustainable practice!" Young tuna, who as of last week managed to form a union in protest against their impending doom, seem to have developed a more realistic viewpoint than the researchers. "You think they'll listen to another 'no fishing' proposal? Come on!” quipped one particularly sardonic sardine. “They've been eating our numbers for centuries. What’s going to change now, a sticker on the ocean?” As the issue mounts, the proposal begs the question: what will it take for governments to take action? Experts suggest a plethora of reasons—dwindling fisheries, increased public awareness, and the occasional viral video of sad fish staring at a fishing hook—as factors that could initiate real change. But until humanity can get its act together, researchers worry these hopes might just be cast away like unwanted bycatch. Opponents of the "no fishing" zones, often found lounging comfortably on boats adorned with flashy logos, have already voiced their opinions from the deck of their yacht, arguing that it’s “not really fair” to ask them to leave fish alone when they can remotely access gallons of super-rich sea life through Instagram. "If you take away our right to fish, what’s next? Telling me I can’t sunbathe?" lamented one industry lobbyist, completely missing the connection between sunbathing and the choking back of an entire species. In the face of impending aquatic oblivion, the world watches with bated breath as the scientific community continues its age-old futile endeavor: proposing solutions to those who seem far more interested in hooking the last cod than preserving a legacy. Perhaps this time, things will be different. But who are we kidding? It’s just another day at the office, where the seas are troubled, the fishes are puzzled, and the scientists—bless their hopeful hearts—remain ever so slightly naive.