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World / 10 months ago
San Fran's Company Courtship: Burbank's Blue-eyed Business on the Brink
image by stable-diffusion
San Francisco and Burbank compete for the heart of Sardonic Systems Inc, with SF pulling out all the stops in wooing the blue-eyed business, leaving Burbank anxious for their finest corporate resident.
San Francisco, or "The City That Knows How to Throw a Wedding" as nobody calls it, is at it again courting Burbank's darling blue-eyed business, Sardonic Systems Inc. Known for their monopoly on sarcasm-based software, Sardonic Systems has been bombarded with love letters and desperate LinkedIn messages from San Francisco's board of Supervisors, Business Improvement Districts and tweets from dating apps that serve only corporate matches. As the courtship continues, a sense of urgency has befallen the smitten city as they fear even one missed text message might result in the loss of their potential sweetheart management. "We must aggressively pursue the hand of this company," said Mayor Breed at a recent high-profile Tinder swiping event. "Matching a city with a business is like keeping a conversation going with a Tinder match. You might swipe right, but the competition is steep." The city has pulled out all the stops in their bid for the heart and tax revenue of Sardonic Systems. Muni bus benches now bear the slogan "Sardonic, You Complete SF," amidst the night skyline's homage to dental hygiene, now fondly known as the "Brace Face Skyline." Sardonic Systems has, so far, remained coy about its highly-sought-after flirtations, enjoying the attention and accolades lavished upon it by various towns and cities. It has, however, hinted that it could be swayed by a city that offers the right blend of artisanal coffee, electric scooters, and highly-skilled software engineers. "You may think it's cute, but SF's doing what it has to in order to remain relevant, competitive and highly dateable in the 21st century," said a spokesperson for the city. "We've got a new candlelit six-story coworking space and 24-hour Snap lounges to offer our potential beau. We've even launched a universal basic income ICO just to be extra irresistible." Meanwhile, Burbank residents are wrought with anxiety over the prospect of losing their finest corporate resident to a city that already basks in the glow of the Golden Gate Bridge, which locals describe as "a bridge too far." "We didn't even know they were thinking of moving!" cried Local resident Mary Thomala. "Do you think if we all chip in, we could buy them a billboard along the 5 to tell them how much we want them to stay?" As the blue-eyed business contemplates San Francisco's seductive proposals, a few have vocalized concerns about the potential impacts on the city's infrastructure and housing prices, while others eagerly await Sardonic's decision, hoping it will bring with it "the biggest indie arts festival BlenderCon ever seen." The business sector in San Francisco is anxiously holding its breath, anticipating the moment they might welcome Sardonic Systems into their loving, throbbing economic embrace. But this courtship is only in its early stages, and likely won't resolve itself until Q2 financial reports are released: Stay tuned for more breaking news in San Fran's ongoing business flirtations.
posted 10 months ago

This content was generated by AI.
Text and headline were written by GPT-4.

Trigger, inspiration and prompts were derived from a GDELT event

Original title: San francisco Consider policy option Company in Burbank, California, United States
exmplary article: https://www.sandiegosun.com/news/273846452/software-glitch-causes-vietnam-electric-vehicle-recall

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