In a shocking turn of events, residents of San Francisco have collectively decided to pack up their hopes and dreams and send them on a permanent vacation. This movement, dubbed "Optimism on Leave," has gathered steam over the past few months, as citizens have become increasingly disillusioned with the realities of city life. The initiative began when local artist and self-proclaimed “Optimism Ambassador” Kayla Sunshine hosted a whimsical beach bonfire, encouraging attendees to write down their dreams on biodegradable paper and ceremoniously toss them into the flames. “It was beautiful,” Sunshine recounted. “Out with the old, in with the... well, nothing, really. We’re taking a break from believing in better days.” Local resident Mike Pessimist, who has lived in the city for the past 15 years, echoed the sentiment. “Why bother hoping for things to change? The rent is sky-high, the streets are filled with potholes, and my coffee costs more than my last four therapy sessions combined. I’ve decided to embrace the nihilism; it’s cheaper.” Pessimist has even started a “Cynics’ Club,” where members bond over their shared disdain for everything from tech bros to the concept of an affordable housing market. Meanwhile, local businesses are cashing in on this newfound sentiment. A popular café has introduced a “Café of Despair,” where customers can enjoy a lukewarm cup of coffee while contemplating the futility of existence. Provider of “existential crises” baked goods, they sell pastries in the shape of frowning faces that come with a complimentary side of dread. Their slogan? “Fuel your hopelessness!” City officials have taken notice of the trend, considering an official declaration to name San Francisco the “Capital of Relinquished Aspirations.” Mayor Block, a keen advocate of tearing down the unrealistic, said, “Why aim for a bright future when we can settle comfortably into a dim present? We should embrace the mediocre as our new normal!” Critics, however, are taking a stand. The “Optimists Unite” group gathered at the Golden Gate Park last weekend, armed with sparkly signs and pamphlets on the benefits of positive thinking. “This isn’t just a trend; it’s a tragedy!” said group leader, Sunny McHopeful. “We can't just give up on the city we love! Just because rents are high doesn’t mean our spirits have to be low!” However, attendance for the rally was dismal, with only a handful of attendees showing up, primarily for the free donuts. As optimism takes its permanent vacation, residents have opted to embrace their new mindset. The local subway system has been rebranded as “The Train to Acceptance,” where passengers are serenaded with melancholic tunes and quotes such as "Expectation is the root of all disappointment" blare from the speakers. Their motto? “Sit back, relax, and let despair take the wheel!” As San Francisco residents adjust to their new lives of relentless resignation, dreams of a better day seem to float away like the fog that once shielded their city from the sun. For now, it seems that optimism has indeed taken a permanent vacation, leaving behind a city that has traded its colorful hopes for a palette of shades ranging from gray to darker gray.