In a bizarre turn of events that could only happen in the whimsical world of Riverina, local law enforcement successfully thwarted a unique escape plan hatched by a trio of would-be criminals attempting to “float” their way to freedom. The incident unfolded last Tuesday at the banks of the maverick Murray River, where our misguided heroes, clad in bright pool floaties, prepared for what they believed would be their ultimate getaway. Eyewitnesses reported seeing the trio—a lively gang of three, identified as Bubbles, Splash, and Tidal—giggling uncontrollably as they frolicked with inflatable unicorns, flamingos, and even a giant slice of pizza, apparently under the impression that a joyful float down the river would elude the long arm of the law. "They looked so ridiculously cheerful it was hard to take them seriously," said local fisherman Ned "The Snag" McFisherman, who watched the scene unfold while trying to catch dinner. "I mean, who would think a pizza float could be a getaway vehicle?" Around noon, after fixing their floaties and double-checking their waterproofed snacks (a vital component of this brilliant heist), the intrepid criminals launched themselves into the river, squealing with delight. Meanwhile, the Riverina Police Department had been alerted by a tip-off from an unsolicited narwhal who apparently had a soft spot for lawfulness and expected nothing less from his human counterparts. Deputy Chief Carla SoggyBoots explained, “When we got the call, we thought it was a prank at first. But who could resist such a flamboyant display of criminal genius? Like an elaborate episode of a reality show that went terribly wrong!” As the float-filled fiasco progressed, it became clear that Bubbles, Splash, and Tidal hadn’t accounted for the mighty current of the Murray River, which whisked them downstream faster than they could say “cannonball.” Before long, their inflatable ride had morphed into a slapstick comedy, with each participant frantically paddling and screaming as they attempted to manage the rapid flow of water, which appeared to be highly uninterested in their escape plan. The police, having donned their own life vests labeled “Cops on Deck,” hopped into patrol boats as they fished the paddling pizza from the turbulent waters. “Catching these guys was easier than catching a fish with two hands. They were a sight to behold, floating uncontrollably while grasping snacks and yelling coherent phrases like ‘We’re criminals, not swimmers!’” said Officer Wade Waves. Ultimately, the Riverina Ruckus concluded with all three partners in crime safely retrieved—and a boat full of half-eaten snacks. To add insult to injury, Tidal came face-to-face with a rather unimpressed duck who apparently took a dim view of such uncoordinated mischief, quacking disapprovingly. Charged with attempted escape—complete with a side of public humiliation—the floaty felons promised to rethink their career options during afternoon prison yoga sessions. When asked about their next steps, Bubbles replied, “We thought we’d just float our way to freedom, but maybe we should stick to Monopoly next time.” Riverina can now breathe easier, knowing that crime and floaty escapades may not be as interwoven as they once imagined!