Title: Seven Bizarre Ways to Improve Your Digestive Health: A Scientifically Unproven Guide Are you tired, friend, of always chasing probiotics, fiber supplements, and herbal teas to keep things moving smoothly? Are you overwhelmed with having to exercise, maintain a balanced diet, and drink enough water every day? Does tummy care really need to be this complicated? From the obscure depths of ancient medical practices and wacky health forums, we bring you seven bizarre, impractical, and totally scientific nearly-certified methods to boost your digestive health. Look no further for the most outlandish advice, guaranteed to raise your eyebrows or at the very least, provide a good chuckle. 1. #CroissantCleanse Ditch your unsatisfying lemon detox or celery juice cleanse and partake in the decadent challenge of the #CroissantCleanse. For an entire week, consume nothing but buttery, flaky croissants. We’re unsure whether it’s just the joy of indulging in copious amounts of pastry that will make your gut a happy camper, but it’s sure pleasing to the taste buds. Who needs fiber when you have layers of laminated dough? 2. Tapeworm technique With a little help from history (and a sprinkle of insanity), you too can lose weight while improving your digestive health. All you need is to intentionally ingest a parasite. Yes, you read that right. In the 19th century, people willingly used tapeworms to lose weight. Now, we don’t actually recommend doing this, for umpteen obvious reasons. Let's just take a moment to appreciate our modern advancements in science. 3. Shoe Salad Have you heard of the saying, “you are what you eat?” Well, to be as fit as a fiddle, why not dine on a tried-and-true symbol of endurance – our shoes! Just a nibble of your shoe leather can give you a serving sized guaranteed to last. Note: no shoe brands are endorsing this method, and neither are any sane public health authorities. 4. The Pizza Diet Yes, this is exactly what you think it is. Eat nothing but pizza. We’re breaking the stereotype that pizza isn't part of a balanced diet. In different slices, you can combine all the nutrients you need. Calcium in cheese, fiber and vitamins in the base, and don't forget the unlimited toppings for variety. Full disclosure: this may not translate to any actual health benefits, but it will give an emotional uplift. 5. Strut your Stomach Maybe all your stomach needs is a little showing off. Flaunt it; whether it's flat, rounded, has a few rolls, or a six-pack. Let it catch some sunshine, let the world see it. The laughter and joy derived from this exercise alone are enough to boost your overall health! 6. Laughter Yoga Speaking of laughter, did you know that laughing meticulously can indeed improve bowel movement? Seriously! The physical exercise of laughter massages the intestines, thus aiding digestion. So next time, before reaching out for medicines, try a dose of a good comedy show. 7. Moonlight Meditation If all else fails, just take your gut out for a date under the moonlight. Spend quality time together while you meditate in soothing moonlight. It doesn’t technically solve any digestive issues, but hey, your mind and gut connection will surely love it! In all the absurdity, we hope this ludicrous guide gave you a heart-warming chuckle. And remember, while the internet brims with plenty of health advice, nothing beats the good old-fashioned wisdom of a qualified healthcare professional. So, before giving a try to any of these bizarre ways, you may want to, you know, not do that, and instead consult with your friendly neighborhood doctor.