In a stunning turn of events, America’s housing market has been rocked by the revelation that landlords have been playing a high-stakes game of "Rich Man, Poor Man" with rental prices, thanks to their secret weapon: real estate technology company RealPage. The U.S. Department of Justice has stepped in, filing a lawsuit against RealPage and several major landlords for allegedly using sophisticated software to engage in anticompetitive practices. According to sources close to the situation, RealPage’s platform allows landlords to upload their deepest, darkest secrets about their rent prices, which are then processed through an algorithm so powerful it makes NASA's computing capabilities look like an abacus. The software dissects this data and conveniently churns out recommended rental rates that are decidedly less "competitive" and more "let's charge as much as we can without starting a riot." “It’s like we handed the Monopoly board over to the landlords, and they found a way to let the dice roll in their favor every time,” noted one disgruntled tenant who chose to remain anonymous for fear of their rent being raised to a level even the Monopoly man would hesitate to pay. “I used to think the landlord was just out to get me. Turns out, they were just following the advice of a computerized financial guru.” This lawsuit comes on the heels of the DOJ's bold “algorithmic collusion” initiative, which has left many in the real estate community feeling a bit jittery. One landlord, who preferred not to disclose their name for fear of retribution from their fellow property moguls, said, “Collusion? Us? We were just trying to make sure everyone was on the same page! Besides, who can resist the allure of uniformity in pricing? It really helps align our profit margins.” As the lawsuit unfolds, analysts are debating what this means for the future of the rental market. Some speculate that if the DOJ is successful, it could lead to a new era of transparency in rental pricing, while others fear it may result in the dreaded “free market” where landlords have to compete on price. The horror! Meanwhile, RealPage’s stock has been fluctuating as investors try to determine whether the lawsuit will ultimately bring about actually fair rents or merely make the software even more adept at calculating how much landlords can squeeze out of tenants in less obvious ways. In a bold move, RealPage has stated they will counter the lawsuit by claiming their software is simply revolutionary and that it was never their intention to wage war on affordable housing. “We just wanted to help landlords maximize their profits while giving tenants the impression they had options. It’s all in good fun!” a RealPage spokesperson quipped, adding that they were considering a new tagline: “RealPage—because who doesn’t love a little friendly price-fixing?” As this drama unfolds, one thing is clear: if you're a tenant, you may soon find yourself playing the role of "poor man" while landlords across the nation revel in the role of "rich," all while trying to avoid an algorithmic version of musical chairs that could leave them—and you—out in the cold.