In a thrilling twist of fate, Real Madrid finds themselves on the verge of hosting their arch-nemeses, Atletico Madrid, in what can only be dubbed "The Derby of Desperation.” With their stellar record of not beating any top-four rival this season, the reigning champions can only hope that a good dose of home-cooked rivalry magic will be enough to shake off their current “No Top-Four Left Behind” policy. As if that weren’t enough, Real Madrid has also declared their intention to adopt the philosophy of “If you can’t beat them, at least make them sweat.” After all, why go for victory when you can simply give opposing teams a case of nerves? Club officials reportedly believe that increasing the atmosphere should distract Atletico from their wining tactics, perhaps by distributing celebratory balloons upon every goal conceded. The crux of Real’s “winless against the top four” conundrum lies in a magical but perplexing curse that many are calling "The Curse of the Boogeymen.” It’s believed that this curse kicked in after Real dared to field a team without a single recognizable Galactico and instead chose to focus on teamwork, which everyone knows is highly overrated. In light of their recent performance, there’s talk of a new slogan to accompany the team’s less-than-stellar track record: “Real Madrid - Carrying the Lamp of Hope since 1902.” While some are understandably skeptical, many fans are convinced that the team is simply waiting for the perfect moment to reveal their secret weapon: a “candlestick shooting star” formation that may have had mixed results in the backyard of one of the team’s childhood coaches. With a desire to shed their current underdog status, the manager of Real Madrid was also overheard contemplating an intervention involving a local fortune-teller famous for breaking curses with her usable herbs and old-school voodoo chants. If that doesn't work, there’s always the backup plan of just throwing a lavish party in the stadium, complete with a buffet of tapas and chuny sandwich platters, which is sure to distract Atletico more than any top-tier football strategy. As the tension mounts before this high-stakes showdown, the atmosphere in Madrid is electric. Will Real Madrid finally dispel the shadow of their top-four boogeymen, or will they fall again, solidifying their status as the lovable underachievers of the league? Only time – and perhaps an incantation or two – will tell.