In a display that can only be described as a masterclass in how to run up the score, the Baltimore Ravens decisively trounced the Houston Texans 31-2, leaving the Texans with an existential crisis that rivals their playoff hopes. At this point, the Texans must be wondering if they accidentally wandered into an NFL game armed with only a spoon. The Ravens took to the field like a well-oiled machine, unlike the Texans, who appeared more like a used lawnmower desperately in need of a tune-up. Lamar Jackson, fresh off shattering records like a kid breaking open a piñata, added the QB rushing record to his impressive list of accomplishments this season. With the Texans putting up less resistance than a paper towel in a rainstorm, Jackson was practically able to script his own highlight reel against what can only be described as the team’s masquerade of a defense. The game kicked off with an opening drive that made the Texans' defensive line resemble a group of toddlers playing freeze tag—clueless and ineffective. The Ravens raced out to an early lead that was larger than the gap in talent between them and the Texans. By the beginning of the fourth quarter, Baltimore’s head coach decided it was time to showcase his secondary players, perhaps as a charity gesture—who wouldn't want to watch backups claim their moment in the sun against the forlorn Texans? With a scoreline so lopsided, one could be forgiven for mistaking the game for a childhood scrimmage rather than a supposed NFL showdown. At halftime, the Houston fans were likely hoping for a miracle or at least some divine intervention from the football gods—but alas, even they seemed to be on a coffee break. As the clock wound down and paid spectators contemplated their life choices, including buying Texans season tickets, the Houston offense found itself unable to convert even the simplest of opportunities. The relentless aficionados of optimism, still clinging to the idea that the team had a chance, were left holding nothing but their “Believe in the Texans” T-shirts—an ironic shout-out to the days of yore when “going for it” actually meant more than just showing up. Somewhere in the land of cold pizza and broken dreams, Texans head coach developed a new playbook—“The Fork in the Road”—to help the team prepare both for the playoffs and their imminent vacation plans. Clearly, this week's loss didn’t just punch their ticket out of the postseason; it also inspired a round of introspection that promised to last until next season. In the end, Baltimore squawked away with the top spot in the AFC North, while Houston pondered whether they brought a fork to what was undoubtedly a knife fight. Nonetheless, as they pack their bags, let's all take a moment to appreciate the artistry that is Lamar Jackson—and be grateful that at least one team in this experiment called professional football knows how to make a proper meal out of a matchup. Ravens fans can rest assured; it is indeed sweet and savory to see their team soaring high, while the Texans, well… they can savor their two points – a dubious achievement that made them the laughing stock of the league.