SEATTLE — In a shocking turn of events that has left the city’s residents both bemused and mildly damp, Seattle’s City Council has announced a new “threat level” system, specifically designed to tackle the unique perils posed by the city’s notoriously temperamental weather. Dubbed the “Rainy Days, Scary Ways” initiative, the new system humorously ranks daily threats based on how many umbrellas are flipped inside out on a given Monday. According to council member Patricia Drizzle, “This was a necessary move! The threats we face here in Seattle are simply unparalleled. Nothing quite compares to the treachery of a soggy shoe or a misplaced umbrella, and we wanted to acknowledge that in a fun and engaging way. Plus, it gives people something to talk about while waiting for their coffee.” Today, Seattle began operating under a “Drizzly Monday” threat level, signified by an inconspicuous gray cloud icon on the city’s official website. Citizens learned to prepare for mild inconveniences, such as “slipping on damp leaves” or “getting temporarily lost in a roundabout due to a rogue puddle.” The council assures that these threats, while alarming in nature, will only yield minor discomfort at worst and an opportunity for a hot coffee or tea at best. Local resident and professional umbrella tester, Carl Watter, expressed his skepticism about the initiative. “I’ve been watching the weather for years, and let me tell you, around here, it’s either mild or more mild. I mean, what’s next? A whole committee dedicated to categorizing the varying degrees of ‘meh’ we experience on Tuesdays?” He shook his head and adjusted the already drooping strap of his waterproof jacket. “If the threat level makes me miss my 3 pm coffee break, we may have a problem.” In an effort to galvanize community engagement, the city has also launched a new ‘Rain Patrol’ app, allowing Seattleites to report umbrella casualties and share their harrowing tales of dodging rogue raindrops. Users can earn badges for achievements such as “Most Convincing Duck” when successfully avoiding a water puddle, or “Ultimate Weather Warrior” for trekking through market on a particularly brutal foggy Thursday. Critics, however, argue the threat level system is an absurd distraction from real issues, such as the swelling population of sea otters poised to take over the waterfront. “This is just classic Seattle,” remarked local historian Mary Weller. “Instead of planning for our future, we’re branding our mediocre miseries! What’s next, an IKEA build-a-thon for ‘survival kits’ featuring Swedish meatballs and rain ponchos?” Despite the controversy, City Council seems unfazed and is already planning to roll out an enhanced version of the threat level in winter, with a chilling title: “Puddle of Doom.” In the meantime, they emphasize that citizens should continue to practice “rain awareness.” As Seattle wraps up yet another moist Monday, voices across the city sound with anticipation — could tomorrow bring about a new moniker? Residents stock up on umbrellas, prepare their best rain gear, and brace themselves for what they’ve dubbed “Seattle's Never-Ending Drizzle of Drama.” After all, what could be scarier than forgetting your raincoat?