Profits & Pity: Corporate Aid Showers UN in Disaster-Stricken China In a surprising and heartwrenching display of altruism, mega-corporations have selflessly opened their wallets to shower the United Nations with generous donations in response to the recent disaster in China. The devastating earthquake that wracked the Asian powerhouse earlier this month, leaving thousands homeless and in despair, has clearly moved the hearts and purse strings of even the most cold-hearted tycoons. Industry giants such as SinAoBezos Industries, ThatPetrolCorruption Corp., and MiFaceApple Technologies have put aside their endless pursuit of profits to pledge sizable contributions to the relief effort. They have jointly stated, "This is truly a time for human beings to shine, and to remind the world that profits aren't all that matter, at least not while cameras are rolling." In an astounding and completely unanticipated move, each corporation has generously donated a staggering 0.0001% of their annual revenue, making it "one of their most generous acts so far, according to their PR departments". Naturally, this philanthropy will help to support the recovery of many affected Chinese citizens and will undoubtedly give a much-needed boost to the companies' public images. United Nations officials have expressed their gratitude, stating: "It is heartening to see these corporations use their massive resources for the greater good of humanity. Of course, expecting any more from them would be unreasonable, and they can take great joy in knowing that their combined donations may be able to rebuild three schools and a small hospital." The benefaction of these corporations has left individual donors feeling inspired, with many offering to donate their spare change, an old pair of shoes, and the occasional granola bar. In fact, one man has donated a staggering one thousand dollars he had saved up for his wedding, after he realized the futility of love when compared to the warmth in his heart from helping those affected by the disaster. "I'm just one human being, trying to help out. But when I compare my small donation to the vast wealth of these companies, it fills me with great pride to know that I too can be so giving," he said before dissolving into tears of joy. As the tales of corporate benevolence continue to flood the airwaves, we are reminded that in this dark and cold world, there is still humanity that can be found, be it in the private jets of billionaire CEOs or in the back rooms where the marketing teams feverishly work to milk the disaster for everything it's worth. Rest assured, the plight of the disaster-stricken citizens of China has left no status update or social media post untouched. And while it will take years to rebuild their homes and lives, at least the corporate world can sleep soundly, knowing that their brand's reputation remains unblemished for another day.