In a bold move that has left the citizens of Islamabad scratching their heads, President Lauds Security Forces: Is Islamabad Safe, or Just Extra Secure? The president, with great fanfare and a bulging folder of statistics, praised the security forces for their unprecedented level of vigilance—while conveniently ignoring the fact that the city now resembles a scene from a particularly overzealous action movie. "Look around you!" the president proclaimed at a press briefing held in a heavily fortified bunker disguised as a unicorn-themed café. “Our brave men and women in uniform are everywhere—there’s even a soldier guarding the water cooler in this very room!” As he spoke, patrons sipped their lattes while trying to pretend that a military tank parked outside was a new trend in coffeehouse decor. “I thought the chai was just a bit too strong,” one customer remarked, glancing nervously at the armored vehicle. “But a tank? Isn’t that a bit extra?” The government’s strategy, dubbed “Operation: Overwatch,” involves placing at least three security checkpoints between every person in the city and their dinner plate. Citizens must now show five forms of ID, their life story, and a handwritten manifesto on why they deserve to eat at the local biryani joint. One bewildered customer at a popular restaurant recounted, “They asked for my blood type and what I think the capital of Mongolia is. Honestly, I just wanted to grab some food.” When asked if this level of security made the city safer or simply longed for the return of the simpler days of just worrying about traffic jams and stray dogs, the president grinned and waved a shiny medal, heroically awarded to him for “Exceptional Over-Reporting of Safety”. Citizens have mixed feelings about the new “safe” Islamabad. “I mean, I appreciate the effort, but when I see more soldiers than trees in my neighborhood park, I start to think my evening stroll might end with obstacle courses and surprise interviews,” said one jogger, who found it hard to maintain a heartbeat while dodging patrolling snipers. Meanwhile, the city’s tourism board has launched a new campaign called “Experience the Safety!” which features promotional videos of families joyfully waving at armed troops while ducking behind barricades. Comments sections flooded with questions: “Are we still allowed to leave our houses?” and “Is there a prize for getting through security without a meltdown?” In a touching gesture, one local community attempted to celebrate the president’s soaring approval ratings by creating a mural declaring, “We love our guards—please leave the tanks!” Residents quickly learned that a soldier will take that request very seriously, leading to a nail-biting standoff over the painting supplies. As the president delivered his speech, confetti made of old surveillance footage fell from the sky, as if to remind everyone that privacy is definitely still a thing—just not in Islamabad. In closing, people are left wondering if they live in a fortified, impenetrable fortress or if the city was merely auditioning for a new season of a reality show titled “Keeping It Extra Secure: Islamabad Edition.” Only time—and perhaps a few more military parades—will tell.