In a groundbreaking decision that has left consumers both bewildered and delighted, major retailers have officially declared that Black Friday is now a month-long extravaganza that kicks off at dusk on Halloween and extends all the way to New Year's Day. Gone are the days of waiting in long lines and battling for parking spots; prepare your wallets, because the shopping apocalypse is officially here! Retail experts are scratching their heads trying to figure out when exactly "Black November" became a thing. Was it during one of those late-night existential retail meetings? Or perhaps while trying to figure out how to top last year's equally absurd "Bigger than Black Friday" sales? Whatever the origin, consumers will now be faced with the relentless siren call of sales commencing from the moment they carve their pumpkins. As if the ghosts and goblins of Halloween weren’t enough to contend with, shoppers are now being urged to don their most fashionable trick-or-treat attire, with the promise of steep discounts on everything from seasonal decor to overpriced TVs. One fearless bargain hunter was spotted wandering through the aisles of a local Walmart wearing a witch hat while clutching a shopping cart full of discounted candy corn and a 75-inch flat screen. Meanwhile, retailers are pulling out all the stops to entice consumers. Amazon has started sending out drones to deliver “early bird” deals to anyone who was seen shopping on Halloween night, and rumors abound that Target will soon offer exclusive deals for anyone who can recite the "12 Days of Christmas" backward. Each week of November will see a new theme; week one is "Tinseltown Savings," week two is "Gobble 'Til You Wobble Discounts," and the grand finale week will be titled "New Year's Regret Sales," where everything marked down has a 99% chance of being returned. Shoppers worldwide are still digesting their Halloween candy while making split-second decisions on whether to purchase a life-sized inflatable reindeer or a set of kitchen gadgets they’ll probably never use. The sheer volume of deals has created a new phenomenon known as "retail fatigue,” where consumers rush home to update their shopping lists, only to collapse in front of their screens in a stupor of consumer guilt. Retail analysts report a staggering increase in impulse buys during the first week of "Black November," as many people think, "Hey, if I don’t buy this giant inflatable Santa now, how will I ever compete with my neighbors in December?" Friends have begun to take bets on who will end up justifying the most absurd purchases, while the phrase “treat yourself” rapidly devolves into a nightmare of mass consumerism. Ironically, the holiday season that was once focused on spending time with family has now been overshadowed by the race to secure the best deals. Families have taken to hosting "Black Friday Eve" parties, complete with appetizers that are made entirely of leftover Halloween candy. The emphasis is no longer on gratitude but rather on securing the biggest bargains, all while pretending to care about Uncle Bob's holiday casserole. As we march toward this ever-expanding retail spectacle, one thing is for certain: it’s going to be a wild ride full of discounts, delightful debt, and undeniable absurdity. So don your shopping armor and prepare to dive into this consumer frenzy—just remember to save room for Thanksgiving dinner, because you’ll need the energy for round two of retail madness!