In an unprecedented showdown ensued Thursday as the current Chairman of the Federal Reserve, Jerome Powell, firmly quashed any hopes that President-elect Donald Trump harbored of rolling back the clock to a time when he could wield the axe over the nation's monetary policy. Standing defiantly in front of a gaggle of reporters, Powell declared, “Not permitted under the law,” as Trump’s potential power moves hung in the air like the stench of burnt popcorn in an office microwave. Insiders report that Trump had been gleefully sharpening his Twitter fingers, eagerly brainstorming nicknames for Powell, such as “Jerome the Jerk” and “Floppy Powell,” in anticipation of reclaiming his presidential throne. Sources close to the Trump camp say the former president had plans to “re-educate” Powell, putting him through the rigorous psychological trials of a reality show elimination round — "The Fed is Right, You’re Fired!" — in a bid to get him to quit voluntarily. “I know people,” Trump reportedly bragged to confidants, “and I have a very good relationship with the law — just ask my attorneys!” Powell, however, inadvertently threw a cold bucket of legalese right over Trump’s grand ambitions, reminding everyone that while the former president loves to fire folks as much as he enjoys shouting into the void, the Federal Reserve Chair is not a pawn on his board. As Trump busily tweeted about how he would single-handedly restore America’s economic glory, Powell maintained a stoic presence, turning questions about Trump's intentions into a masterclass on Read-Your-Job-Description 101. Despite the escalating tension, Powell remained resolute, decrying any non-existent authority Trump might wield like a spork in a fine dining restaurant. While Trump was left to concoct plans for a new executive order simply dubbed “Let’s Make the Fed Great Again,” Powell continued to stress, “My position is governed by law. It’s not personal, it’s just the Constitution.” The refrain echoed like a broken record among economists who have long worried that Trump’s approach to monetary policy would make a food fight look orderly by comparison. In a wild turn of events, social media predictably erupted with hashtags like #PowellTheConstitutionalGuardian and #TrumpedByTheLaw, as memes of Trump with a crown sitting on an inflatable throne flooded timelines. Meanwhile, Powell's cool demeanor earned him widespread accolades for exemplifying both poise and professionalism, but when asked if he had any advice for Trump moving forward, Powell simply quipped, “Maybe take a course in civics. It’s never too late.” And so it stands: while Trump may aspire to orchestrate a reality show on fiscal policy, Powell remains a steadfast figure reminding the world that while the Oval Office may have the power to shake things up, it certainly doesn’t possess absolute dominion over the law — or the resulting fiscal calamity that follows a Trump tweet.