In the grand culinary theater of war, Russia has introduced a new dish that's been simmering quietly in the shadow of massive energy companies: Potok, the not-so-secret recipe for military mayhem seasoned by Gazprom. While one might expect a dash of precision and an extravagant blend of elite forces, what we have instead is a sprinkling of security guards, a pinch of low-skilled state employees, and a hefty dollop of "let's hope this works out." Picture, if you will, the bustling kitchens of Potok. Here, amidst the clatter of hard hats and the aroma of industrial strength coffee, former security officers with little more than a nightstick and some questionable sense of purpose now sport combat gear, expertly navigating the battlefields of Ukraine. “How do you like your PMC served?” they ask, with a twinkle in their eye. The answer? Hot, overcooked, and definitely full of surprises. Potok, it seems, is like that cocktail you ordered at a bar just to impress your friends but turned out to be a blend of everything the bartender had left over at the end of the night. This is a PMC where discipline is considered a suggestion and combat readiness takes a back seat to “Hey, let’s just wing it!” The prospect of joining Potok must have been irresistible for Gazprom’s security guards, who traded in their gas masks for real ones—or at least ones that look like they were stolen from a Halloween costume shop. When Gazprom decided to recruit these fine folks, it was the kind of strategic move that would make a seasoned general weep. Recruitment kicked off in August 2022, with the sweet promises of “attractive conditions” and a sense of camaraderie that really comes alive when you find yourself dodging artillery shells alongside folks who, just yesterday, were more accustomed to ensuring the safety of gas pipelines than engaging in firefights. Because nothing screams elite military operation like a group of guys who spent the previous day ensuring the parking lot was safe from disgruntled customers. Ah, the chaos of the frontline! Potok’s deployment in Bakhmut was reminiscent of a field trip gone horribly wrong. Here they arrived, taking over positions once held by the illustrious Wagner Group—a soft power flex, if you will, akin to picking up a game of chess only to realize you’re actually playing checkers. "We can do this!" they must've thought, only to retreat faster than you can say "supply chain issues." One can only guess that they realized their logistics training had been ripped straight from a tutorial on IKEA furniture assembly. Meanwhile, Gazprom created Potok not just to fill a void but, as Yevgeny Prigozhin suggested, to dilute Wagner’s reputation. “Why have one PMC when you can have three mediocre ones?” seems to be the motto here. It’s the sort of forward-thinking strategy that would land you a boardroom promotion in a corporate setting… just not on the battlefield. And there was a sweet irony in watching this ragtag group of aspiring warriors—more accustomed to pushing paper than pushing soldiers—take on roles they were woefully unqualified for. As the Potok fighters faced off against real combat veterans, it became apparent that the Gazprom recipe for military mayhem included a hefty pinch of confusion and a dollop of desperate hope. The whole affair reeked of a reality show where nobody signed a waiver. By July 2023, when the remnants of Potok were last seen on the fringes of Bakhmut, it was clear that their time in the spotlight, much like a soufflé, had deflated under the harshness of reality. Amidst the crumbling buildings and fading chaos, they vanished faster than a good idea in a corporate meeting. One shudders to think of the next course on Gazprom’s military menu. Perhaps an appetizer of confusion garnished with despair? In the end, Potok is a testament to the strange and ironic layers of modern warfare, where the line between corporate interests and military engagements blurs into a bizarre fusion recipe. Who knew that the secret ingredient for military mayhem was a heaping spoonful of hapless bureaucrats? So here’s to Potok! May they stir the pot of military mayhem with bravado, if not quite the skill—a blockbuster action flick in the making, just without the budget. Bon appétit!