In a bold departure from the grandeur typically associated with papal burials, Pope Francis has unveiled his unconventional plans for eternal rest—setting the stage for what experts are dubbing “The Most Humble Burial Ever.” In a surprising move, the pontiff expressed his desire to be interred at the iconic Papal Basilica of St. Mary Major, opting for a tomb so understated that it may not even qualify as a “tomb” by traditional standards. “I mean, who needs gold leaf and marble sculptures when you can just have plain ol’ dirt?” Francis remarked, obviously channeling his inner minimalist. The pope specified that his final resting place should feature a simple inscription: “Franciscus.” Sources say that if it were up to him, the inscription would have been delivered using a Sharpie on an index card, but the Vatican recommended a slightly more refined approach. Francis’s vision aligns with his papal persona, famously known for his down-to-earth demeanor. "He wants to prove that even in death, he can challenge the status quo of papal extravagance," said a spokesperson. Rumor has it that the Vatican is even considering a “no frills” special, where mourners can participate in a scavenger hunt to find the unremarkable grave, complete with clues leading them away from golden altars and into the realm of the quietly understated. In a shocking twist, pop culture aficionados speculate that the Vatican may feature a "pop-up" attraction to celebrate the Pope’s wish, where jaded tourists can experience the thrill of underwhelming burials firsthand. For a nominal fee, they could even play “spot the coffin,” with the only hint being “look for the spot that looks a bit too normal.” Despite the simplicity of his desires, some insiders are concerned about logistics. “We’re struggling to find the right kind of dirt,” admitted one graveyard manager. “It can’t be too fancy or too plain—Goldilocks would be proud if she were here.” As the world prepares for this unprecedented event, skeptical commentators have begun questioning whether the minimalist burial is merely a publicity stunt to overshadow the royal-esque celebrations of other prominent figures. One cardinal remarked, “I mean, do we even know what the pope is going to wear? Plain white linen? A simple sheet? The inner speculation alone is outrageous!” As plans for the modest burial roll forward, parishioners everywhere are left wondering: how simple is too simple? As for Pope Francis, he remains steadfast in his beliefs, reminding all that while others may chase the glitz after life, he will be at peace with nothing more than a humble inscription. “After all,” he quipped, “who needs a gold-plated coffin when you can be eternally chill under a basic mound of earth?”