In a groundbreaking move, the Kolkata Police have announced a series of “incentives” aimed at smoothing over the tensions surrounding the tragic rape-murder case of a local doctor, whose family continues to demand justice. These incentives reportedly include everything from free parking at police stations to complimentary coffee for grumbling protesters waiting for answers. During a recent rally at RG Kar Hospital, a gathering of outraged junior doctors applauded the measure, with several doctors indicating that a dose of caffeine could go a long way in helping them handle the harsh reality of the justice system—or at least make the wait seem less unbearable. "What’s a little coffee when you can have the illusion of speedier justice?” quipped one bewildered intern, clutching a "Justice for Our Sister" sign with one hand and a steaming cup of joe with the other. The police's latest tactic is reminiscent of a corporate retreat where management huddles to brainstorm flashier team-building exercises. Instead of justice, they’ve rolled out perks for the public, as if to say, “Hey, we know your loved one was brutally murdered, but how about we treat you to a nice latte? On the house!” Family members of the victim have voiced their incredulity, accusing police of attempting to suppress the case through a mix of distraction and appeasement. “If they truly cared about our daughter, they wouldn't be offering iced coffees. We want justice, not a caffeine fix!” stated the father, who attempted to hand the police a review form for customer satisfaction. Protesters, undeterred by the police’s patronizing gestures, have taken to chanting slogans with a sprinkling of sarcastic cheers for free refreshments. “Cops, don’t be shady! Bring us justice, maybe?” rang across the hospital grounds, eliciting nods of approval and innocent chuckles among fellow demonstrators, many of whom had opted for homemade signs adorned with coffee cups and legal scales. As tensions rise and trust in law enforcement continues to wane, a bewildered city watches as police face off against passionate advocates for justice, all while figuring out which food truck might best serve kale smoothies on the front lines of unrest. One thing is for certain: in the midst of chaos, it seems that the Kolkata Police have mastered the art of crisis control—with a twist of irony and a side of lattes. Only time will tell whether these new methods will appease the public hunger for accountability or simply provide a bitter aftertaste in an already complex narrative.