With a buzz of activity that puts a nest of caffeinated hornets to shame, ineffectual but well-meaning bureaucrats are gathering in think-tanks across nations, industriously squiggling calculators and straining their collective brainpower to discover the sum annual carbon footprint of, say, a pair of reindeer socks knitted by a one-legged septuagenarian in Shropshire. Meanwhile, the Earth is slowly but surely introducing a roast setting more suited to marshmallows than humanity. This all leads us to the much-debated, hardly appreciated, often misunderstood genius idea of the Carbon Fee Shuffle - the latest tango in our desperate green dance. The concept, you ask? It’s simple, really. We pay for the amount of pollution we create, whether it's from incinerating three Big Mac wrappers or if it’s from a 1,000,000-horsepower coal power plant. Like a green version of Santa, but one who gives out penalties instead of gifts, the government will deem which enterprises have been "naughty or nice". But, instead of coal in your stocking, if you've been very naughty, you might just get a bill hefty enough to make your eyes water. And no, that's not tear gas. Strangely enough, this latest, gung-ho plan from our Green Overlords has not been met with universal applause. Large corporations, predictably, have their knickers in a twist. Before they have even seen the proposed bill, they're screaming bloody murder and predicting massive layoffs. The apocalypse could not have ruffled their feathers more. Blue-collar workers, too, are waiting with bated breath, unwilling to bear taxes that could further thin out their peanut butter sandwiches. Of course, the enlightened among the policy creators, aware that playing the Grinch isn't exactly a vote-catching strategy, have suggested a loophole in this Shakespearean tragedy. After collecting this carbon fee, they suggest, why not return it back to the people, equally, more like a Robin Hood-style redistribution, minus horses and merry men. This benefit is popularly termed as ‘dividend.’ Sounds fun, doesn’t it? A free ride down the green pathway on corporate dollars! Cynics, however, are pulling at their hair, screaming about intricate economic theories and how this might just spur a cost increase in goods and services. Still, these are the same people that start biting their nails when the stock market fluctuates by 0.02%. Humour them, by all means, but remember, this is the same crowd that screams “Armageddon” every time Bitcoin dips. The great carbon fee shuffle promises to be an interesting dance indeed – one where everyone pays, everyone gets paid, and in the end, we all hope to save the only planet we can afford to live in. It's one hell of a dance number: a bit of a waltz, some vigorous jitterbugging, and perhaps, if we're lucky, a nice, sedate line dance towards a greener future. At least that’s the hope, because let’s face it, no one really wants a flamenco with flames.