Liberated from the shackles of a cordial breakfast with Queen Elizabeth, France, aka Paris for the uninitiated, has decided to pull out ‘the sanction card' on Europe. In layman's terms, Paris is sending the rest of Europe to the naughty corner for a time-out. In a meeting that felt more like a disciplinary hearing at Hogwarts, Paris, wearing a stylish beret, carrying a designer purse filled with sanctions, berated Europe’s representatives, from Spain's sizzling señoritas to Belgium's beer-loving barons. In a view shared by no one else but Paris, Europe has been very naughty lately. They've not been finishing their snails, apparently didn't say a collective 'Bless you' to the Eiffel Tower after its last sneeze, and the most egregious sin, failed to admire Paris's all-new designer face mask line. It is safe to say that Europe, in its unending audacity, shrugged off the accusations with typical continental cool, grinning through mouthfuls of Bratwurst, pasta, and patatas bravas, yet Paris remained unamused. Madame Europe, the headmistress of the continent had a mischievous glint in her eye as she offered a diplomatic, "we'll think about it" – a classic European delaying tactic on par with the long-awaited Brexit. It’s a well-known secret that Paris’ move is a shrewdly designed strategy to assert its long-buried desire to claim every Friday as French Fries Day, an initiative Europe has long been reluctant to take seriously. Unfathomably, most European countries still hilariously labor under the misapprehension that French fries are an American thing. Belgium, the undisputed, self-proclaimed King of fries, has offered to arm-wrestle France for the honour, but that suggestion was flatly rejected by Paris on the grounds that wrestling is "not chic enough." The sanctions imposed are thought to include excessive tariffs on garlic and a ban on using 'Paris' in any song lyrics, romantic novels, and Hollywood movie titles. The proposed sanctions seem likely to impact American pop stars more than Europe, but Paris is yet to comment on this detail. In the meantime, Italy offered a soothing gelato to smooth things over while Greece suggested a peace offering of olives and feta. Paris has yet to respond, but we can safely bet our last baguette they won't be easily appeased. As Europe prepares for its time-out, with Denmark begrudgingly drawing up a rota for who will sit in the corner when, it's surely only a matter of time before other cities start pulling out the 'sanction card.' London is already looking at its hand, waiting for a chance to play the 'tea steeping oversights' card whilst Rome eyes the 'incorrect pasta sauce pairing' card. It's going to be a long, lonely time-out in the corner. How will Europe ever survive without the joys of French fries and garlic? Oh, wait... we still have Belgium and Italy. Never mind then!