In a groundbreaking display of discontent, a group of local activists has taken to the streets to express their frustrations with the government, armed only with scissors, reams of paper, and an inexplicable passion for origami. Dubbed the “Paper Cuts Protest,” organizers are determined to show that not all heroes wear capes; some wield safety scissors. The event kicked off early Saturday morning in downtown, where participants arrived dressed in an array of paper-themed costumes. There were people clad as oversized sheets of printer paper, those donning origami swans, and one particularly bold individual who came dressed as a paper cut itself—living dangerously as he navigated a crowd of protesters with an alarming history of accidents involving stationery. “I’m here to highlight the urgency of reform!” shouted self-proclaimed “Captain Cardstock,” while arm-wrestling a fellow activist dressed as a blank legal pad. “We need to change the laws that allow for bureaucratic waste and endless paperwork—it’s a crime against humanity! Plus, have you ever tried to fold a form this big? It’s an absolute nightmare.” The protest also featured a series of flash mobs, with groups breaking out into choreographed dances whilst executing elaborate paper-folding techniques. Dance-offs ensued, with moves titled “The Spinning Printer,” and “The Paper Jam Shuffle,” creating an odd but entertaining spectacle that had passing pedestrians both bewildered and amused. Local vendor “Carl the Cardboard Crusader” seized the moment and set up shop by selling eco-friendly snacks packaged in repurposed paper. “I’m just trying to do my part to support the movement,” he said, while flipping through an extensive catalog of eco-awareness pamphlets. “And if you eat these snacks, you get a free piece of ‘art’ that I made out of recycled paper. It really works—a lot of folks say it’s just trash but I like to call it performance art.” As the day progressed, the mood turned more serious. Activists began to “shred” government-related documents in a symbolic gesture, using a massive industrial shredder that had been rented for the occasion. Cheering crowds gathered around to witness the ceremony, complete with a makeshift drumline built from discarded paper tubes and a group performing a poetic rendition of “Fifty Shades of Grey Paper.” Unfortunately, the large shredder caused a minor kerfuffle when a gust of wind sent bits of shredded paper flying into the air. This led to a three-hour long “snowball” fight that pitted activists against confused onlookers, all while the local cat population reveled in the chaos, treating the incident as an impromptu litter box party. As the sun set behind the paper mountains, Captain Cardstock stood at the podium, addressing the crowd one last time. “This is just the beginning! If they think they can silence our voices with bureaucracy, they’re going to have to deal with the wrath of the paper cut! We may be soft, but we’re sharp enough to make a point!” The Paper Cuts Protest concluded with a standing ovation, while attendees voluntarily began to pick up their litter, as if to prove they were not just concerned about government inefficiencies, but also the environment. The city officials, much to their surprise, announced later that evening they would entertain the idea of reducing paperwork by 10 percent, though how this was going to be achieved remained a well-guarded secret likely scribbled on a very large, multi-page document. In the end, Paper Cuts and Protest became not only a fitting commentary on the absurdity of bureaucracy but a delightful reminder that sometimes, to effect change, all you need is a pair of scissors, a little creativity, and a whole lot of paper!