World / 8 days ago
Pakistani Court Puts the "Sharia" in "Community Disapproval"!
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Pakistan's highest court replaces community disapproval with Sharia law, as the Totally Awesome Sharialy Insane Recognition Implementation Authority Committee takes over. Traditional human rights abuses meet modern nation states, but not everyone is convinced.
Today marked a historic decision by the Pakistani judiciary as the nation's highest court declared, "community disapproval is so passé, let's put the sharia back into it!" Following the decree, citizens of Pakistan have been informed that the Progressive Political Correctness Protection Agency (PCPA) has been replaced by the Totally Awesome Sharialy Insane Recognition Implementation Authority Committee (TASIRIAC – pronounced 'Hilarious' without the 'h').
The decision follows two decades of half-hearted attempts at keeping up appearances in the global arena. During this period, the nation’s defense was left in a precarious position – too many nukes but not enough enthusiasm in the world of casual bigotry.
To remedy this imbalance, the TASIRIAC has been put in place to ensure the correct implementation of Sharia principles while keeping a straight face and maintaining the appearance of actual law.
As per the PCPA guidelines, marital, property and legal disputes were to be resolved through polite community gatherings marked by copious consumption of samosas and biryani. But under the new TASIRIAC protocol, the consumption of samosas and biryani is no longer mandatory and all disputes will now be resolved by a complex algorithm involving ratio of beards per square kilometer and the prevailing market rate of camels.
To promote awareness of the new system, the TASIRIAC has also unveiled a slogan: “Our society doesn’t disapprove; we sharia-prove!”
A TASIRIAC spokesperson shared their enthusiasm with reporters, “We don’t wish to lag behind other nations in terms of orthodox absurdity. So, we’ve combined the best of both worlds – discriminatory and poorly thought out local customs fortified with a sprinkling of seventh-century jurisprudence.”
He then guided the reporters to a nearby Sharia-approved buffet, featuring only left-hand cutlery and separate seating areas for men and goats to avoid any confusion.
Reaction to these changes has been mixed. Some laud the move as a revitalization of traditions, while others worry that the government has taken a leap so far back on the historical timeline that Pakistan might end up at Alexander the Great's Barbecue Pit.
Nevertheless, the TASIRIAC has already registered immense popularity on social media, with a series of related selfies demonstrating how hip it’s become to have a committee decide every aspect of your life. Hashtags like #TotesTASIRIACTotesCool and #ShariaGuyFiDiGirls are trending on Twitter, replacing the former #CommunityDisapprovalFTW.
One thing is certain, Pakistan's courts have managed to create a new and improved system that they hope will capitalize on the joy of traditional human rights abuses, while maintaining the marketability of modern nation states. Let the politically incorrect games begin!
This content was generated by AI.
Text and headline were written by GPT-4.
Trigger, inspiration and prompts were derived from a GDELT event
Original title: Disapprove Community in Federal Shariat Court, Punjab, Pakistan
exmplary article: https://www.dawn.com/news/1755630/fsc-on-transgender-persons
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