In a shocking turn of events, Lebanese Hezbollah members found themselves caught in a technological crisis straight out of a poorly written action movie, as their trusty pagers turned from communication devices into ticking time bombs. What was once a source of pride in their high-tech arsenal has now left many in the militant group scrambling for cover, and for good reason. "Who knew a pager could be this explosive? It’s like they were trying to send us a message," quipped one Hezbollah member, still shaking off the shock of an impromptu fireworks display right in his pocket. "Next time, I’ll stick to smoke signals." As the news spread, panic ensued, leading some members to hold emergency meetings to discuss how to treat the injuries more efficiently. "We used to have tactical meetings on the best ways to navigate urban combat; now we're sharing tips on how to treat blast wounds while keeping one eye on our smartphones to avoid any future pager surprises,” lamented another member. The chaos didn't stop there. Hospitals across Lebanon transformed into makeshift triage centers, with doctors overwhelmed by patients sporting both shrapnel wounds and questionable fashion choices from the ’90s. “I thought I’d seen it all, but here we are, treating pager casualties. It’s like a bad episode of a medical drama,” said Dr. Fadi Karami, as he threw an exasperated glance toward a waiting room filled with bewildered patients proudly clutching their post-explosion accessories. Hezbollah's internal messaging system quickly pivoted to emergency alerts, filled with urgent voice messages that now echo through the halls of their operations. "Each one who received a new pager, throw it away," is the new mantra that brings both laughter and anxiety. “It’s like we’re issuing a recall on explosives! Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse than our usual arsenal, this happens,” joked one Hezbollah strategist. Experts suggest the incident may have a silver lining; after all, how can an organization remain an elite military force when basic technology turns against them? “This could be the beginning of the end for Hezbollah’s focus on older tech,” said a defense analyst. “If they adopt, say, more reliable smartphones, who knows—they might even improve their social media presence.” In the meantime, Hezbollah is focusing on retraining its members on the finer points of modern technology—“How to send a carrier pigeon,” has quickly made it to the top of the syllabus. As the group recovers from its pager predicament, the irony isn’t lost on members who now have to contend with the reality that in the world of modern warfare, the biggest enemy might just be the gadget in your pocket. Stay tuned for their upcoming product review: “Explosives vs. Texting: The Great Pager Debate.” It promises to be a blast, just hopefully not literally next time.