In a bold move that has left many scratching their heads and shaking their fists, Ontario has introduced an innovative new marketing strategy for HIV prevention: the "Buy One, Get One HIV" initiative. Designed to promote the purchase and distribution of life-saving drugs, advocates argue it's the perfect solution to the recent spike in HIV cases across Canada. "Why pay for one drug when you can buy one and get another free? It's simple economics," exclaimed local health worker and part-time magician, Alison Prest. "Everyone loves a good deal! Imagine the thrill of getting a second drug absolutely free! That’s two shots at protection for the price of one!" Statistics Canada recently revealed an alarming 2,434 new diagnoses of HIV in Canada this year, marking a 35 per cent increase from the previous year. Public health officials warned of an ongoing crisis, but rather than panic, advocates believe it’s the perfect time for a well-branded promotional campaign. "The numbers may look bleak, but marketing can work wonders. We just need to get the public excited about purchasing medications!" declared Tim M. Feeler, a self-proclaimed health economist who spends more time in boardrooms than hospitals. Critics have pointed out that the idea of requiring people to buy prevention drugs before they can access them completely undermines the fundamental goal of public health. However, supporters argue that this is merely a "buying opportunity." “Think of it as a two-for-one special on health!” proclaimed Feeler, flashing his pearly whites. In a surprising twist, the province has not only stopped short of declaring the drugs free, but they are also proposing an entirely new line of flashy merchandise to promote awareness. "We're talking about branded yoga mats, limited edition t-shirts, and even souvenir mugs that say, 'I love my viral load!' It's all about raising awareness—while you sip your morning coffee!" said Prest, as she expertly demonstrated a downward dog pose. As Ontario ramps up its "buy one, get one" campaign, fellow provinces are watching closely, already dreaming up their own clever twists on public health. “Why not have a 'Buy One, Get One Flu Shot?'” mused one Alberta health official, “At the very least, we could distract people from the rising numbers!” In the meantime, many Ontarians are left to wonder if they'll be offered bonus loyalty points at their local pharmacies, promising even more rewards for prioritizing their preventive care—or simply a heartfelt, “thanks for your purchase!” in a world where healthcare increasingly resembles a shopping mall. As advocates gear up for World AIDS Day, one thing is clear: Ontario is turning to capitalism as its secret weapon in the fight against HIV, reminding everyone that when it comes to health, a deal is always just a bargain away.