ONTARIO'S PREMIER ANNOUNCES ELECTRICITY TAX IN Bold MOVE AGAINST TRUMP'S TRADE WAR In a shocking turn of events, Ontario's Premier has decided that if the U.S. wants to play hardball in the realm of trade, then Ontario will flip the switch and charge a hefty 25% voltage tax on electricity exports to our neighbors to the south. The Premier, now officially dubbed "Voltage Vengeance," announced this extraordinary tax amidst reports of a nationwide shortage of oven mitts due to everyone's minds being blown at this unprecedented move. “We're flipping the script here,” the Premier declared. “If we can’t trade freely, then why should they get our power for free? Welcome to the new world where Ontarians charge not only for the light bulbs you burn but for the buzz you feel!” While the 1.5 million grateful Americans currently energizing their homes with Ontario's electricity might be mulling over their cranking heating bills, Ontario's Premier took it a step further by not only imposing the tax but considering a surcharge on electric guitars. “If they want our electricity for their music, they’re paying the price, just like their music-starved Canadian counterparts.” This power play comes as U.S. tariffs on Canadian steel and softwood lumber have frustrated many in the Great White North. In retaliation, Ontario is now also exploring additional tariffs on air quality—specifically, the air that floats south of the border. “After all, who else would benefit from our pristine Ontario air? It’s practically free-flowing goodwill!” said the Premier with a smirk. Analysts predict the “Voltage Tax” will not only strain relations but also spark a new kind of dance called the “Power Polka” among State Department officials, who can be seen practicing their moves in dimly lit offices, contemplating how to respond. “If isn’t bright enough in here,” one staffer grumbled, “it’s probably because Ontario is charging us more.” As news of the tax spread across the U.S., Wisconsin cheese producers were left scratching their heads, wondering if their dairy products would now carry a surcharge thanks to the dairy “demand” that comes from increased electricity costs. “This is a real ‘grate’ situation,” said one cheesemaker, luckily not in the dark but still feeling a little “blue.” Meanwhile, an underground wire-tapping ring of Ontarians has emerged, offering “power protection” for U.S. residents against the high-voltage tax looming over their electricity bills. “We know how to keep you lit without burning a hole in your pocket,” said one self-proclaimed “Power Gnome” who was recently arrested for harboring illegal light bulbs. In response to the news, many Americans are now reconsidering their energy consumption. Some have proposed starting a “No Power Day” in solidarity against Ontario's decision while others are stockpiling candles and converting to the latest trend: living like the Founding Fathers with good old-fashioned candlelight. As the deadline approaches, energy-efficient folks across the states are preparing to put their homes powered by Ontario on a strict diet, while others are planning vacations to the “land of no electricity” where they can truly unplug—from their increasingly extortionate bills. If there’s one thing we can count on, it’s that Ontario’s electricity economy just turned hotter, and some states may be about to find out firsthand what it’s like to navigate in darkness—both literally and figuratively!