In a bold and unprecedented move, a certain Oklahoma lawmaker has taken to the airwaves to call for an urgent return to “common sense,” a phrase that, according to experts, seems to have been misplaced in the state’s legislative lost and found somewhere between “sensible gun laws” and “public education funding.” The lawmaker, who shall remain nameless for the sake of their dignity—or lack thereof—held a press conference this Thursday where they stood under what can only be described as a monument to irony: a giant, inflatable “Common Sense” that appeared to have been left over from a long-forgotten holiday celebration. Witnesses reported that the balloon was quickly deflated as the senator began speaking, leaving attendees to wonder if it had departed along with its conceptual counterpart. “Folks, we need to backtrack to a time when decisions were made based on, you know, common sense!” exclaimed the legislator, with all the authority of someone suddenly recalling the importance of a balanced diet while devouring a double cheeseburger. “I mean, we all agree that teaching kids how to read is less important than letting them choose their own pronouns, right? This is Oklahoma, not a liberal arts college!” The press conference, set against the backdrop of a new law that makes it illegal for children under 12 to read anything other than the Bible, drew a mixed crowd of supporters and confused onlookers. Some attendees, having apparently confused the event with a nearby yard sale, brought old shoes and broken lawnmowers to contribute to the legislative discourse. “I thought we were contextualizing ‘common sense’ in a practical way,” said local resident Jerry “Hopes and Dreams” Thompson, clutching a rusty hedge trimmer. Meanwhile, the state legislator proposed that all future bills be accompanied with a “common sense approval sticker,” which is anticipated to roll out alongside “The Good Idea Initiative”—a series of public service announcements featuring local high school kids reading the state constitution backwards, for comprehension. Critics were quick to point out the hypocrisy of a politician advocating for common sense while simultaneously advocating for policies that appear to be plucked from a dystopian novel. “If we’re looking for common sense in politics, we might as well look for it in Narnia,” said one observer, who added, “It’s not like anyone’s actually using it.” As the lawmaker returned to their office, they were spotted rummaging through various drawers labeled “Lost Common Sense” and “Thoughts and Prayers.” At one point, they were seen holding a dusty, unopened box marked “Previous Legislative Sessions” that seemed to spark a hint of nostalgia as they muttered, “I remember when we thought about things before voting.” In a final flourish of cynicism, the lawmaker has pledged to draft a resolution that “may or may not address the real issues in Oklahoma, likely to be debated under a canopy of thinly veiled sarcasm.” The resolution, however, may never see the light of day, as it will undoubtedly be filed under “Things That Sound Good in Theory” alongside plans for a bridge to nowhere and a proposal for a state-funded reading rainbow. As of press time, the inflatable “Common Sense” remained deflated, and it was unclear when or if it would be returned to its rightful place in the state’s legislative priorities. If anyone finds it in the lost and found, they are encouraged to call the local government, where they might just find the missing common sense along with some generously funded tax breaks for corporations.