In an unprecedented move to embrace the chaos of city life, New York has officially introduced a budget-friendly traffic jam option. Starting next month, drivers will only need to pay a mere $9 to sit in gridlock in Midtown and Lower Manhattan—a steal compared to the original $15 toll that was elbowing its way into motorists' wallets like the subway during rush hour. Governor Kathy Hochul, dressed in the symbolic uniform of a traffic cone, declared the new rate during a press conference where she was flanked by people dressed as honking cars. “We want to keep New Yorkers happy, and what’s happier than saving money while they spend an hour moving just a few blocks?” she stated, dodging a rogue taxi that nearly missed the podium. The blame for the previous toll pricing is said to rest on the shoulders of “overly ambitious politicians,” who suggested the original fee could help reduce congestion. “Who even wants to reduce congestion? It builds character!” remarked one delighted commuter, who was visibly excited about the concept of spending half of his paycheck in downtown traffic. The Metropolitan Transportation Authority has agreed to fast-track this new, shiny version of bureaucratic brilliance, possibly because they are still trying to figure out how to deal with the residual congestion from the last time they attempted to implement anything. An anonymous MTA spokesperson said, “We’re encouraged by the $9 fee. It’s lower, more in tune with the public’s love for sitting in their cars, and hey—maybe we’ll have a cool app that lets you see what your average wait time is while you simultaneously order a slice of pizza.” Experts predict that this innovative plan will cause an influx of joyfully frustrated drivers to flock to Midtown and Lower Manhattan, all eager to embrace the idling lifestyle at a bargain price. In a related development, local businesses are prepping for booming sales of car air fresheners and mini-fridges as people prepare to turn their vehicles into mobile living spaces. Critics, however, are already predicting a myriad of consequences, including an influx of local musicians setting up shop in the gridlocked streets, hoping to cash in on the freshly stranded audience. “You’ll see,” one local busker said. “I won’t just play the sax—I’ll play the ‘Clogged Lane Blues’ while making $9 per minute!” The question remains: can New York truly become the world’s first city where you pay to be stuck? Only time will tell, but one thing’s for sure—if you thought traffic was a crawl before, you haven’t seen anything yet.