In an unprecedented development, Netflix has announced a bold new initiative called "Returned to Sender" to reclaim their customers’ lost remotes while simultaneously addressing America's growing list of unfulfilled obligations. The program comes after extensive research conducted by the streaming giant revealed that at least 63% of viewers cannot make it through an episode of "Stranger Things" without losing their remote controls. "Remote control theft is a silent epidemic," lamented company spokesperson and self-proclaimed ‘Remote Whisperer’ Linda Buttons, at a press conference that was live-streamed, of course. “People are simply not taking their commitment to remote preservation seriously. We’re talking about high-stakes binge-watching obligations here!” The initiative has already sent shockwaves through households nationwide. Netflix users will be encouraged to sign a legally binding contract, which stipulates that any remote control lost during binge-watching sessions must be reported immediately or risk their subscription being upgraded to a $50 per month “Control Stealer” plan, complete with a shiny new subscription tier that guarantees content curation from hundreds of forgotten titles like “Polar Bear: The Extreme Ice Fatigue Documentary” and all eight seasons of "Gilmore Girls." Subscribers might be surprised to learn that the program doesn't stop at remotes. Netflix has since expanded its outreach to include all forms of unfulfilled obligations, leading to the introduction of "Guilt-Trackers"—AI-enhanced devices built to analyze the screen time of subscribers and cross-reference it with the tasks on their to-do lists. “Now you can watch an entire season of ‘The Witcher’ while also being chastised for not doing laundry for three weeks,” Buttons added gleefully. Voicing their discontent, thousands of angry subscribers began an online petition, humorously titled “Get Off My Couch, Netflix!” One enraged sofa-dweller, who identifies as “Remotely Disturbed,” claimed, “I cannot live under the constant fear of my viewing habits being monitored! Next thing you know, they’ll start charging us for unfinished snacks during ‘The Office’ reruns!” Meanwhile, Netflix plans to introduce a “Responsibility Reminder” feature, programmed to send push notifications reminding viewers of their laundry, dishes, and any other uncompleted responsibilities during ad breaks. The ultimate goal? To make viewers feel as guilty as they do when they realize they’re three seasons behind on ‘The Crown’ instead of reading that self-help book they reluctantly borrowed from their friend, who keeps asking how it’s going. Critics of the program have accused Netflix of overreach. “What’s next?” asked one disgruntled subscriber. “Will they charge me for that friend’s birthday party I forgot? Or worse yet— ban me from the entire platform if I fail to go to my doctor’s appointment? This is just wrong!” However, Netflix remains unfazed. In a clever marketing ploy, they have introduced an exclusive deal linking subscription pricing to how well viewers adhere to their personal obligations. Missed your mom’s call for the fourth time this week? Here’s a discount on that movie night you had planned! With plans to incorporate remote-tracking technology into every household, Netflix aims to secure its stranglehold on the streaming market while ensuring it has a finger on the pulse of each viewer's life. But in an age where viewers expected nothing less than uninterrupted access to content, it raises the question: Is your remote really worth sacrificing for the sake of responsibility? As the dust settles from the launch, one thing is for sure: if you thought finding your remote was hard, wait until you start hunting down some semblance of personal accountability!