In an effort to curb the rampant epidemic of password sharing, Netflix has introduced a revolutionary new $7.99 "freeloader fee" to keep mooching friends and relatives at bay. With this move, Netflix aims to tackle all those users who have been enjoying the streaming service while riding high on the coattails of more generous (or oblivious) subscribers. The streaming giant has recently begun implementing its household-only policy in the U.S., ensuring all account users are living under the same roof, in close proximity to the primary account holder. In order to monitor compliance, Netflix has reportedly invested in cutting-edge, GPS-based "Netflix Nanny" technology to track users' locations. "This way, we can make sure Uncle Bob isn't mooching off his nephew's account from three states away," explained Netflix spokesperson Daisy Locke. For those unable to kick the habit of living off their loved ones, Netflix has graciously provided a solution: for an additional $7.99 per month, these persistent parasites can glom onto a primary account, granting them full access to the streaming service. Critics of the move have quickly pointed out that separate Netflix subscriptions actually start at a mere $6.99 per month. Netflix, however, remains unfazed. "We understand that some people simply thrive off the thrill of taking advantage of others," remarked Locke. "Our new $7.99 freeloader fee not only provides a solution for these incorrigible users but also generates additional revenue for us. It's a win-win." Netflix has also announced a series of outreach campaigns, such as "Moochers Anonymous" and "Password Pirates Rehab," offering support to those struggling with the shame and burden of their freeloading ways. "Our goal is to help people understand that it's time to step back into the light, reclaim their dignity, and sign up for their own accounts," said Netflix psychologist, Dr. Phoebe Freeload. "It's a long road to recovery, but together, we can beat mooching." While the effectiveness of the freeloader fee remains to be seen, it has undeniably ignited heated debates online. One disgruntled former freeloader tweeted, "Why should I pay more to still secretly use my ex's account? If anything, I deserve a discount for my dedication." Upon hearing news of Netflix's latest move, rival streaming services have also begun considering their own methods to crackdown on password piracy. Rumors suggest that Hulu may deploy an army of trained ninja cats to infiltrate password-sharers' homes and confiscate their devices. As the streaming wars continue, the age-old battle against moochers, freeloaders, and password pirates rages on. And with the dawn of the $7.99 "freeloader fee," it seems that Netflix has definitely upped the ante.