In a shocking revelation that has left both tech experts and avid binge-watchers scratching their heads, Netflix has officially announced that it is the fault of Australians that their streaming service experiences regular buffering issues. According to an internal memo leaked to the media, the streaming titan claims that as Aussies huddle around their couches with their feet up and snacks at arm's length, their horrifying need to watch true-crime documentaries is to blame for the streaming woes facing the entire nation. “It seems that every time someone presses play on yet another series titled 'Killer Gnomes: A True Story', our servers take a hit,” Netflix spokesperson, who insisted on remaining anonymous due to embarrassment, quipped. “It’s not our multiple algorithms, or the fact that we’re trying to cram all the culprits of the Australian streaming audience’s overzealous appetites into a single server. It’s the Aussies. They’re bingeing on unimaginable horrors and, frankly, it’s slowing things down for the rest of the world.” Viewers, however, have a somewhat different perspective. Take Sarah Monaghan, a Melbourne resident who recently delved too deep into a rabbit hole of crime series. “I watched three seasons in one weekend,” Sarah admitted sheepishly. “But I’m still in shock over the fact that I’ve been dragooned into being ‘part of the problem.’ I mean, seriously, loved the Gnome documentary but how is that my fault? Maybe if Netflix improved their tech instead of blaming us for their streaming horror stories, we wouldn’t have a problem.” Critics suggest that Netflix's scapegoating of Australians comes at a time when the streaming giant is under pressure to meet the demands of its growing subscriber base – especially with more and more people pouring into the streaming ecosystem seeking horror-filled dives into human depravity. “Maybe if they invested a little less in image craft and a little more in infrastructure, we wouldn’t have to ‘buffer like it’s 1999’ while watching the latest elimination reality show,” commented streaming analyst Dave Buffer. “But that wouldn’t make for a fun headline, would it?” In an unprecedented move, an outraged Australian public has decided to fight back—not with legal action, which would admittedly take too long, but through collective defiance. Local cities are now organizing monthly streaming festivals, encouraging everyone to binge not just on true-crime but also on cooking shows, competition reality, and, heavens to Betsy, romantic comedies—anything to get Australians re-branded as ‘normal’ human beings in the eyes of Netflix. “Who knows,” project leader and self-defining cinema aficionado Jamie Jankovich laughed, “If we watch enough ‘What’s A Movie?’ specials, we might just offset the wavelengths of the gnomes and get our bandwidth back. Save the gnomes, save the bandwidth, I mean—who doesn’t want to watch a rom-com with a side of creativity?” Amidst the noise, Netflix has also flagged a tantalizing ‘solution’ to their buffering problems: the launch of a new service tier—Netflix of Guilt. Subscribers will be offered the chance to feel guilty every time they stream while serving more niche crime documentaries set in exotic locales as a countermeasure to redeem their viewing habits. Because what’s better than warming your heart with a charming documentary about culinary disasters while securing your streaming destiny? While Netflix might be clinging to this absurd narrative that the Australians are inherently behind the buffering blues, one thing is clear: until their server infrastructure improves, locals may find solace in the fact that they’re not just binge-watching true crime; they’re also actively challenging a giant and reminding the world that at least one country has managed to flip the script on who truly is the culprit of streaming woes. So, the next time you hear a stranger grumbling about the buffering, just remember: it's likely an Aussie cursing their love of sensational gnome documentaries.